{"id":733,"date":"2014-10-24T21:50:52","date_gmt":"2014-10-25T01:50:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/?p=733"},"modified":"2023-05-06T10:58:22","modified_gmt":"2023-05-06T14:58:22","slug":"so-theres-that-day-32-guitars-or-cocaine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/so-theres-that-day-32-guitars-or-cocaine\/","title":{"rendered":"So There’s That, Day 32: Guitars\u2026 or Cocaine"},"content":{"rendered":"

So There\u2019s That: Adventures in Transgendering chronicled my transition in 2014. One hopes the gentle readers will forgive any awkward or anachronistic language within.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2014<\/em><\/p>\n

N.B.: When I began transitioning, I was known by my nickname \u201cDiG\u201d \u2014 prior to learning my mom had chosen Jennifer as my name prior to my birth.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

With my regular Gotham gig coming to a close, I\u2019ve managed to cut down my New York City coming-out list to one final person. Well, technically two, but one of those people moved to L.A. So, if you squint real hard, it\u2019s really only one.<\/p>\n

Not too shabby for three weeks worth of work.<\/p>\n

The last name on the list is the business partner of the Brooklyn dev shop guy I came out to last Friday. No cool nickname, just the one who was \u201cinspired\u201d and \u201crefreshed\u201d by my journey. I seem to have that effect on people.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s kinda funny. If you know me, you\u2019ll know that last comment was totally self-deprecating humor. If not, well, I guess I could come across as rather grandiose. But what can you do? Potato, potahto.<\/p>\n

Anyway, the dev shop bloke from\u00a0this<\/i>\u00a0week clearly knows I have \u201cnews,\u201d but I\u2019m guessing he isn\u2019t exactly sure what that news is. Probably thinking, gay, but probably also surprised that I would consider that to be a \u201cthing\u201d in this day and age.<\/p>\n

We meet at the Brooklyn Roasting Company near his office and after a bit of small talk (not gay, not dying of cancer), I jump into my now familiar tale. The only problem is that\u00a0this<\/i>\u00a0time, I\u2019m not getting much of a reaction.<\/p>\n

I mean, this is old hat to me. I know how this thing works, right? But not today. It\u2019s like I\u2019m talking to a sphinx. No bad reaction, no good reaction. No reaction at all.<\/p>\n

As a storyteller, I tend to craft the story to my audience. Toss in a little more profanity here, add some sexual escapades there, and that\u2019s just for the toddlers.<\/p>\n

But nothing\u2019s working. In the past, I would gloss over my stuttering to get to the juicy bits. But this time, the juicy bits are cutting it.<\/p>\n

I realize I\u2019m babbling a bit and shift to how he\u2019s probably noticed how long my long fingernails have been over the years.<\/p>\n

Jackpot.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I always wondered about that, \u201d he says with a hint of a reaction. \u201cI asked you once if you played guitar, and when you said you didn\u2019t, I thought, well maybe it\u2019s because you do cocaine, because, let\u2019s face it, you are, at times, pretty hyper.\u201d<\/p>\n

Which is true. Very hyper. But it come naturally. Or with the help of my dear friend, Mr. Caffeine. Maybe not Robin Williams hyper, but certainly Matt Smith as the 11th Doctor hyper.<\/p>\n

But I digress.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t help but laugh in response, \u201cIsn\u2019t cocaine, just one long fingernail? Seriously, how much cocaine did you think I did.\u201d Pause. \u201cCan you imagine me on cocaine?\u201d<\/p>\n

We both break into laughter, because the thought of me strung out on cocaine is pretty scary thought.<\/p>\n

The rest of the conversation is a lot more comfortable, as is our norm, but I get the vibe that he\u2019s simply not as ebullient as usual. Not that he\u2019s an ebullient person to begin with, but I think you get my drift.<\/p>\n

We finally wrap our conversation (we both do, ostensibly, have jobs), and he tells me he\u2019s happy for me. But again it\u2019s a in a bit of a monotone, lacking in joy, lacking in enthusiasm. Something just doesn\u2019t add up, and for the life of me, I just can\u2019t put my finger on it, perhaps, because I don\u2019t sense any negativity or pushback. Just a lack of emotion.<\/p>\n

But, to each their own, right? Everyone responds how they respond. Chalk it up as a win and keep moving. That\u2019s what you learn in therapy. Give people time.<\/p>\n

I spend the rest of\u00a0my<\/i>\u00a0time at work, and this being Thursday, I hop a train back to Maryland. But when I get home, I find a very pleasant surprise in my inbox\u2026<\/p>\n

Yo.\u00a0<\/i>I have a tendency to not visibly react much in the moment. This would help my poker game no doubt. I just wanted to say that I think it takes a lot of courage to push through all the shameful feelings and to open up and be honest when there\u2019s a chance of rejection. I\u2019m glad that you felt comfortable enough with me to go for it. I don\u2019t have any idea of what journey you are on, but I think it\u2019s incredibly important to be honest with yourself and to be honest with others about yourself. Having to hide a part of who you are seems like a near unbearable burden, and I can only imagine what it\u2019s like to spend so long cringing. I\u2019m really happy that you were able to overcome that and push through to the other side. There\u2019s a lot more to it I\u2019m sure, but I\u2019m really happy for you and whatever this next chapter of \u201cDig-ness\u201d becomes, I\u2019m looking forward to seeing it all unfold.<\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I can\u2019t help but smile, my eyes, perhaps, a little moist.<\/p>\n

I feel so blessed. I had such fears coming into this, or perhaps, more accurately, coming out with this. Fears that I would lose every friend I ever had. And instead I find that these bonds of friendship strengthened at every turn.<\/p>\n

While my therapist has exhorted me to give me people time, I think it\u2019s time I add my own addendum. Give them time, for your friends will surprise and astound you. And in the process, lift you up to heights you didn\u2019t know possible. Even if they are a sphinx who thinks you\u2019re doing cocaine.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So There\u2019s That: Adventures in Transgendering chronicled my transition in 2014. One hopes the gentle readers will forgive any awkward or anachronistic language within. \u2014 N.B.: When I began transitioning, I was known by my nickname \u201cDiG\u201d \u2014 prior to learning my mom had chosen Jennifer as my name prior to my birth.\u00a0 With my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-733","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-so-theres-that"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/733","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=733"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/733\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":742,"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/733\/revisions\/742"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=733"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=733"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=733"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}