{"id":573,"date":"2014-09-26T13:23:30","date_gmt":"2014-09-26T17:23:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/?p=573"},"modified":"2023-03-19T18:40:00","modified_gmt":"2023-03-19T22:40:00","slug":"so-theres-that-day-4-defiant","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/so-theres-that-day-4-defiant\/","title":{"rendered":"So There’s That, Day 4: Defiant"},"content":{"rendered":"

So There’s That: Adventures in Transgendering chronicled my transition in 2014. One hopes the gentle readers will forgive any awkward or anachronistic language within. <\/em><\/p>\n

\u2014<\/em><\/p>\n

And on the fourth day, I rested.<\/p>\n

Better known as\u2026 if it\u2019s Thursday, I must be emotionally spent.<\/p>\n

But good can come from an emotional gas tank on empty. Sometimes that\u2019s when we learn the most about ourselves.<\/p>\n

And today I learned I am defiant. As evidenced, surprisingly, by seven hair ties around my left wrist. Black. Brown. Red. Pink. Purple. Turquoise. And leopard print.<\/p>\n

I know it\u2019s stupid, but these hair ties represent, in some weird way, who I really am whilst in \u201cboy mode.\u201d Something I can look at when I start to have my doubts. In other words, all the freakin\u2019 time.<\/p>\n

But figuring out who you really are is tough when you\u2019re transgender.<\/p>\n

Speaking only for myself (and that\u2019s a very important distinction, by the way), I\u2019ve experienced, over the course of literally decades, what I can only describe as distinct phases, starting with exploration, objectification (better known as the \u201cstripper phase\u201d) to this past year as an alternative \u201cfemale\u201d construct of myself (\u201cJenni\u201d).<\/p>\n

But my most recent epiphany is fueled by Eddie Izzard, very quickly becoming my patron saint. I now have a \u201cboy mode\u201d \u2014 the version of me that I am comfortable sharing in public, and \u201cgirl mode\u201d who still lives safely at home usually only on weekends. But it\u2019s this crazy, funny, feisty, smart and hopefully sexy \u201cgirl\u201d who I aspire to be in public.<\/p>\n

But, and this is important (and, yes, we\u2019re be talking about my big but), being in \u201cgirl mode\u201d doesn\u2019t mean I lose who I\u2019ve been for literally 48 years. It doesn\u2019t mean I stop watching football. Or Doctor Who. Or kick-ass adventure movies.<\/p>\n

Hell, no.<\/p>\n

This is only a sliver of the entirety of me. Okay, perhaps a slice. Or may be even a big, it\u2019s-your-birthday-and you\u2019re-allowed-to-splurge sized shard of birthday cake. But regardless of how tasty that piece of cake is, it\u2019s still only a part of me.<\/p>\n

Yeah, sorry. That analogy ran off the rails a bit.<\/p>\n

In any event, my hope is that I can show the world who I really feel like on the inside. And speaking of kick-ass adventure movies, I\u2019m hoping that woman is a little like Ellen Ripley, Beatrix Kiddo and Sarah Connor.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So There’s That: Adventures in Transgendering chronicled my transition in 2014. One hopes the gentle readers will forgive any awkward or anachronistic language within. \u2014 And on the fourth day, I rested. Better known as\u2026 if it\u2019s Thursday, I must be emotionally spent. But good can come from an emotional gas tank on empty. Sometimes […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-573","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-so-theres-that"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t