{"id":473,"date":"2014-10-04T13:44:12","date_gmt":"2014-10-04T17:44:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/?p=473"},"modified":"2023-04-22T13:26:15","modified_gmt":"2023-04-22T17:26:15","slug":"adventures-of-an-impossible-girl-day-12-scariest-day-ever-part-ii","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/adventures-of-an-impossible-girl-day-12-scariest-day-ever-part-ii\/","title":{"rendered":"So There’s That, Day 12: Scariest Day Ever, Part II"},"content":{"rendered":"

So There\u2019s That: Adventures in Transgendering chronicled my transition in 2014. One hopes the gentle readers will forgive any awkward or anachronistic language within.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2014<\/em><\/p>\n

N.B.: My youngest, the other key figure below, has since come out as non-binary. After chatting with them, we made the decision to update their pronouns accordingly.<\/em><\/p>\n

As if my harrowing day in NYC was not enough, I decide to bite the bullet and tell my youngest child when I get home.<\/p>\n

Age 17. Senior in high school. Interested in art school. And a Brony.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not good at waiting and I don\u2019t want them to think my moodiness has anything to do with them.<\/p>\n

So I come home and announce I have something to tell them. Something I\u2019ve hidden from the world for 40 years. And no, I\u2019m not gay.<\/p>\n

In a flash, I get a vision of them not responding well. Of never wanting to see me again. Of being ashamed of me. And I lose it. In front of them.<\/p>\n

I try to gather myself up, but tears are streaming down my face. Deep breath. REALLY deep breath.<\/p>\n

So I dive into my sixth (!!!!!!) admission of the day (are you nuts!?!) and finally speak the words, I am transgender.<\/p>\n

I look up and they are staring at me expressionless. Nothing. Nada.<\/p>\n

Not good. REALLY not good.<\/p>\n

So I start to babble. This is me babbling. Oh wow have I have become good at babbling. Then I pause.<\/p>\n

Wait a minute\u2026<\/p>\n

Do you know what the word \u201ctransgender\u201d means?<\/p>\n

No.<\/p>\n

Omigod, omigod, omigod. It\u2019s second chance time. Like losing a football game on a missed kick, then seeing that glorious roughing the kicker flag.<\/p>\n

Well, it\u2019s kinda like Eddie Izzard (who we went to see in D.C. and ran into in London at the Monty Python Reunion show).<\/p>\n

After more babbling, my youngest stops me and tells me they are totally fine with it. Really. Their favorite Brony musician is transgender. Their Facebook picture is a photo of them with the same transgender musician.<\/p>\n

I am so relieved. I am so lucky. I am so blessed. They’re even intrigued to see me in \u201cgirl\u201d mode.<\/p>\n

We hug and while I can\u2019t stop the tears, I can stop the fear, the panic, for at least one night.<\/p>\n

But morning comes early for parents of high school students. 6:10 to be exact and while all is good between us, not all is good between my ears.<\/p>\n

They leave for school at 6:30 and within minutes I\u2019m sobbing in the bathroom. Everything that I\u2019ve been holding in from the previous day comes tumbling out. Hell, everything I\u2019ve been holding in for 40 years.<\/p>\n

I finally pull myself together, throw on my yoga pants and an eggplant long sleeve women\u2019s ribbed tee over my bra. I tie my hair in a side ponytail, put on hoop earrings and my clogs, and appraise myself in the mirror. Not too shabby. A little cute, actually. Very understated. Very non-threatening (I hope).<\/p>\n

3:00 comes and I hear the front door open, my youngest returning from school. I\u2019m upstairs, so I give them a minute to get settled in, then text, Do you mind seeing girl mode?<\/p>\n

Silence.<\/p>\n

After five tortuous minutes, I add, should I take that as a no? 😉<\/p>\n

More silence. A LOT more silence<\/p>\n

Shit. Shit. Shit.<\/p>\n

Then my phone buzzes. Sorry, the cat sat on me and I feel asleep. I would not mind.<\/p>\n

Deep breath. Deep breath. \u00a0Don\u2019t hyperventilate. Deep breath.<\/p>\n

I come down the stairs and my youngest is waiting for me. They break into a broad smile and says, Wow, you look really nice.<\/p>\n

Either they means it or they’re going to do really well with women. Either way, score!<\/p>\n

I spend the next few hours in girl mode. With someone I know. With someone I love. Who isn\u2019t freaked out by it.<\/p>\n

Life is good. Scary, but really, really good.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So There\u2019s That: Adventures in Transgendering chronicled my transition in 2014. One hopes the gentle readers will forgive any awkward or anachronistic language within. \u2014 N.B.: My youngest, the other key figure below, has since come out as non-binary. After chatting with them, we made the decision to update their pronouns accordingly. As if my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-473","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-so-theres-that"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t