{"id":458,"date":"2014-10-20T13:06:24","date_gmt":"2014-10-20T17:06:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/?p=458"},"modified":"2023-05-03T11:27:59","modified_gmt":"2023-05-03T15:27:59","slug":"adventures-of-an-impossible-girl-day-28-boxes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/adventures-of-an-impossible-girl-day-28-boxes\/","title":{"rendered":"So There’s That, Day 28: What Box Can I Put You In?"},"content":{"rendered":"

So There\u2019s That: Adventures in Transgendering chronicled my transition in 2014. One hopes the gentle readers will forgive any awkward or anachronistic language within.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2014<\/em><\/p>\n

Another day, another coming out party.<\/p>\n

But as this particular party could be construed by some as contentious, let me skip the usual personal details and simply say, another longtime friend from the area.<\/p>\n

We now join our regularly scheduled post already in progress\u2026<\/p>\n

I nonchalantly ask if he\u2019d care to head out to the backyard as I have some news to share. Okay, maybe not exactly<\/i> nonchalantly, but it\u2019s about as nonchalant as I can get under the circumstances.<\/p>\n

We settle into the chairs on my back patio, or more accurately, he sits and I pace across the concrete slab that doubles as my back patio.<\/p>\n

I can see the anticipation in his eyes. He\u2019s got a secret girlfriend. He\u2019s getting married. He\u2019s won the lottery.<\/i><\/p>\n

So I start with the easy part \u2014 I\u2019m moving to New York City!<\/p>\n

Awkward pause.<\/p>\n

And\u2026 \u201cWell that sucks. I\u2019m never gonna get to see you anymore.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tap, tap, tap go my fingers against my folded arms. This is not<\/i> off to an auspicious start.<\/p>\n

I then slide into stuttering. Not actual stuttering, but the story of my stuttering.<\/p>\n

Second awkward pause as he waits for the other shoe to drop.<\/p>\n

Tap, tap, tap.<\/p>\n

Deep sigh\u2026 and transgender.<\/p>\n

Silence. Deafening silence. I\u2019m not sure awkward pauses are allowed to last this long.<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure you\u2019re transgender?\u201d<\/p>\n

Excuse me.<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cUh\u2026 yeah. Been thinking about it since I was eight years old. So\u2026 yes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure it\u2019s not a fetish?\u201d<\/p>\n

I know him well enough to understand that he means this in a clinical sense, not as a pejorative. But still\u2026<\/p>\n

I clear my throat, \u201cWell, arousal has been part of this over the years, but not anymore. To be honest, I\u2019m trying very hard not to put myself in a box. I\u2019m trying to enjoy this journey of discovery and see where it leads.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, do you feel like a woman trapped in a man\u2019s body?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cUh, not exactly\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen you\u2019re not transgender.\u201d<\/p>\n

Tap, tap, tap. This is not<\/i> going as I expected.<\/p>\n

We continue this game of box for literally the next two hours, moving from fetish to crossdresser to transvestite. He taught a class in gender studies in the 1980s, while I\u2019ve been dealing with gender issues firsthand since the 1970s.<\/p>\n

Let me edit the conversation down to some of his more memorable quotes, oddly evoking a majority of the stages of death and dying\u2026<\/p>\n

\u2022 \u00a0<\/b>Denial: \u201cJust because you like to shave your legs or grow your nails long doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re transgender.\u201d
\n\u2022 \u00a0<\/b>Bargaining: \u201cWhy don\u2019t you just wear stylish Italian men\u2019s clothes?\u201d
\n\u2022 \u00a0<\/b>Depression: \u201cI\u2019m not going to be happy for you until you figure out your gender dysphoria. Until then, it\u2019s your divorce all over again.\u201d<\/p>\n

He skips over Anger and finally moves on to what I can only call his version of Acceptance: \u201cI don\u2019t care what you wear. You\u2019re still my friend.\u201d<\/p>\n

But it\u2019s that laser focus on clothes and the unshakeable belief that I\u2019m delusional that finally causes me snap. Since he\u2019s not interested in Anger, I take up the mantle\u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cFine. You want me to talk about my body? Let\u2019s talk about my body. Truth be told, I\u2019ve never liked my body. I\u2019ve never thought of myself as good looking. The only time I\u2019ve ever liked it, been able to look at myself in the mirror is when it starts to look female. When I lose enough weight for my waist to narrow. When my chest can form cleavage. And you know what? Growing breasts doesn\u2019t freak me out, okay? I actually like it. The concept of surgery? Doesn\u2019t scare me. Is that what you want to hear from me?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

From his facial expression, I can tell this is making him uncomfortable.<\/p>\n

Good. I think I made my point.<\/p>\n

In an odd way, this is<\/i> all good. I actively defended being transgender for several hours. I\u2019m not sure I could have done that even three weeks ago. And I feel more certain than ever that I am on the right path. I may not know the destination or what box I\u2019m in, but for now, the journey is pretty awesome.<\/p>\n

Now about those clothes from Italy\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So There\u2019s That: Adventures in Transgendering chronicled my transition in 2014. One hopes the gentle readers will forgive any awkward or anachronistic language within. \u2014 Another day, another coming out party. But as this particular party could be construed by some as contentious, let me skip the usual personal details and simply say, another longtime […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-458","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-so-theres-that"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/458","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=458"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/458\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":716,"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/458\/revisions\/716"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=458"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=458"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=458"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}