{"id":432,"date":"2016-07-13T23:39:43","date_gmt":"2016-07-14T03:39:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/?p=432"},"modified":"2023-05-08T08:50:06","modified_gmt":"2023-05-08T12:50:06","slug":"musings-of-an-impossible-girl-a-triangle-in-a-world-of-circles-and-squares","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/typingmonkeys.com\/blog\/musings-of-an-impossible-girl-a-triangle-in-a-world-of-circles-and-squares\/","title":{"rendered":"Musings of an Impossible Girl: A Triangle in a World of Circles and Squares"},"content":{"rendered":"

In 2016, I worked on a then-passion project, Possible Girls, a website about possibilities, dedicated to women and trans women, geeks and nerds, and fangirls of all ages and all backgrounds. This is an article I wrote for the intended launch.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2014<\/em><\/p>\n

I’d like to say I’m a square peg in a round hole, but I’ve come to realize that I’m more of a triangle in the world of circles and squares.<\/p>\n

I see the world differently than most; I always have, with my opinions frequently being characterized as coming from “out of left field.” Not that I’m complaining; I just try to see the world from different viewpoints, through different eyes, and synthesize that into my own unique perspective.<\/p>\n

Certainly I see the good and the bad, but I try to focus on the good, on the positive. What we have in common, instead of what separates us. I try to see what the future can be, the possibilities in life. Like all people, I have my doubts from time to time, but that doubt, that little voice of what can go wrong, is what tends to prevent us from doing amazing things. And while I might not do amazing things, that won’t stop me from making the attempt.<\/p>\n

But first, let me talk a little bit about that troublesome triangle.<\/p>\n

You see, I am transgender. In world of gender binaries, I found myself wanting the world of one, whilst firmly planted in the other. It took me a lifetime to see that. I denied who I was; I hid who I was, always fearing someone would find out my deepest, darkest secret. For the longest time I thought there was something wrong me. Profoundly wrong with me. That I was broken. That I was a freak.<\/p>\n

But one day, about two years ago, I saw my life in a way that I could not unsee. If you’ve ever seen All That Jazz<\/em>, I had a moment of clarity. Like the final stage of Dr. K\u00fcbler-Ross’s five stages of death and dying, I finally accepted who I am. Like Davis Newman, the stand-up comedian, I stood in my living room, looked at the ceiling and shouted, “I accept!”<\/p>\n

The catalyst? Realizing that this is who I’ve been since I was eight years old. In an epiphanic moment, I realized this wasn’t a phase or a bad habit I was going to quit some day. It was, it is, who I am. And that led me on a journey that I could not deny, I could not hide, not any longer.<\/p>\n

To be honest, those first few months were the scariest of my life. Sure I accepted who I am, but would others? Would they think I’m broken, a freak? But to my surprise when I came out in what I like to dub my coming out tour, a majority of my friends embraced my decision, showing more support and love than I ever thought possible. And let me tell you, that’s an amazing feeling. After a lifetime of shame over who I was, the hiding, the secrets, the fear, I finally got to be me.<\/p>\n

And while I had taken the first step, the road ahead was still not an easy one. And I don’t just mean the stares, the whispers, the outright contempt a trans woman can periodically experience out in the world. But staying true to myself. To maintain the authenticity of who I am. Not to become a caricature of a woman, not to adopt a persona, but to allow what I had kept locked away inside of me for so long to grow naturally, authentically.<\/p>\n

It’s been almost two years since I said the words, “I accept,” and I’ve never been happier. It taught me that sometimes the hardest decisions are the ones we need to make. And while I do know what road I’m on, I don’t know exactly where it will lead or which exit I might take. But let me tell you, I’ve passed a lot more exits than I ever thought possible. Sometimes the journey is more important than the destination, as long as you enjoy the ride.<\/p>\n

Many of my friends have called me brave. I don’t think that’s the right word. I think I finally stopped being a coward. Finally stopped being afraid.<\/p>\n

All in all, being a triangle ain’t so bad.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In 2016, I worked on a then-passion project, Possible Girls, a website about possibilities, dedicated to women and trans women, geeks and nerds, and fangirls of all ages and all backgrounds. This is an article I wrote for the intended launch. \u2014 I’d like to say I’m a square peg in a round hole, but […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-432","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-possible-girls"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t