Stunning upsets in sports history.

42-1 underdog James Buster Douglas knocking out Mike Tyson. The United States hockey team shocking the mighty Soviets at the 1980 Winter Olympics. The New York Jets of the fledgling AFL stunning the NFL champion Baltimore Colts in Super Bowl III.

Indelible moments etched in time.

And Sunday added another chapter to the chronicles of impossible sports upsets as the wild card and little-regarded New York Giants beat the unbeatable, blemished the perfect and derailed the destiny of the undefeated New England Patriots.

An upset for the ages with a quarterback who has been blasted in the New York press for four years as a non-achiever. With a coach one loss away from the unemployment line. With the outspoken Plaxico Burress playing on a sprained MCL (the same injury that so famously put LaDainian Tomlinson on the bench). With five rookies forced into action with critical games on the line.

A team of misfits. A team that hadn’t won a playoff game since 2000. A team that hasn’t seen their home field since December.

This motley crew did what no one believed was possible. Even after beating Tony Romo in Dallas. Even after beating Brett Favre in Green Bay.

This was supposed to be a coronation for the perfect Patriots. The crowning glory for inarguably the greatest team in NFL history with the No. 1 offense, the best quarterback, the best receiver and the best coach of all-time.

But something funny happened on the way to the ceremony. The inferior team in the divisional playoffs according to Wade Phillips, the less-talented team in the conference championship according to a Green Bay columnist, and the sacrificial lambs in the Super Bowl according to everybody proved to the world that you play the game for a reason.

And have no doubts, the Giants earned this victory. They outplayed the Patriots. They out-coached the Patriots. They out-muscled the Patriots.

Not convinced? How about holding the No. 1 offensive of all-time to just 14 points and 274 total yards? How about sacking All-World quarterback Tom Brady 5 times and knocking him to the turf too many times to count? How about Eli Manning’s fourth quarter stats, completing 9 of 14 passes for 152 yards, 2 touchdowns and a passer rating of 140.5?

And for those who still believe the Giants were lucky to win, just look at how many opportunities the Giants failed to capitalize on in this game. That quirky interception by the Patriots at the 10-yard line to snuff out a red-zone drive in the second quarter. Steve Smith dropping a Hail Mary touchdown at the end of the first half. Corey Webster slipping on the Randy Moss touchdown. Eli Manning failing to connect with a wide-open Plaxico Burress with 8:32 left to go in the game.

Every game has its moments. Its quirks. Its weird bounces.

How do you think the Patriots beat the Baltimore Ravens that Monday night not so long ago?

Those acrobatic catches, those near-certain sacks that quarterbacks inexplicably avoid, those plays are what make football what it is. That is why they play the game.

Eli Manning marched the New York Giants 83 yards in the final 2:42 to win the game. And then the defense stepped up to stop the greatest offense of all-time on four consecutive plays to seal the victory.

You can’t take that away from them. And you can’t take away their world championship.

The New York Giants may not be better than the Patriots. But they were better than the Patriots on Sunday. And that’s all the matters.

‘Larry King’ Ramblings

Don Larsen. The 1972 Miami Dolphins. Nadia Comaneci.

The Mount Rushmore of sports perfection.

And for the past couple of weeks, Boston has been busily erecting the scaffolding, preparing to add the New England Patriots to this monument of historic sports achievement.

For after all the scandals and all the controversies, the 18-0 Patriots took the lead in the 4th quarter of the Super Bowl, only 2 minutes and 42 seconds away from attaining what no one believed possible in this era of salary caps and parity.

The perfect season.

And not just any perfect season. 19-0. Two more wins than the noisy Miami Dolphins of 1972. Four more wins than the forgotten Cleveland Browns of 1948.

This was a team with the best offense in NFL history. The best season a quarterback has ever had. They beat seven different playoff teams nine times. And with a fourth quarter drive for the ages, the Patriots appeared to have overcome a lackluster Super Bowl performance and a fearsome Giants rush.

But there was only one little problem. Over two minutes remained on the clock and Peyton Manning’s little brother was looking to make them pay.

And pay they did.

Yet even as the seconds slowly and agonizingly ticked away while Eli orchestrated the game-winning drive, the Patriots had their opportunities. A fourth-and-one. A dropped interception. A third-and-eleven with 45 seconds left and no timeouts remaining for the Giants.

But at the end of the day, the Patriots really shouldn’t blame their loss on any one single play. To suggest as Rodney Harrison did that Eli’s miraculous escape from a sack that would have made Archie Manning and Fran Tarkenton proud or the circus catch by David Tyree who momentarily embodied Lester Hayes and Lynn Swann were flukes misses the point.

No, the Patriots need take a hard look at themselves. While they said all the right things after the game, they said all the wrong things before and even during the game.

The Patriots organization brazenly applied for a trademark on the phrases ‘19-0′ and ‘19-0 The Perfect Season’ three days before they played the San Diego Chargers in the AFC championship game. On the Saturday before the Super Bowl, Patriots owner Robert Kraft jokingly told CBS announcer Jim Nantz, “We promised FOX we’d keep it close for a half.” And Patriots players, according to Amani Toomer, were inviting Giants players to their post-game parties during the game.

If there is one thing that athletes, always a superstitious lot, should have learned by now, never tempt the football gods.

And one also wonders if the Patriots, in their quest to annihilate the league, tired themselves out during the season. Certainly through the first 10 games of the season, the 2007 New England Patriots were the greatest team I’d ever seen. But in their myopic crusade to prove themselves the greatest team ever, to undermine any questions about Spygate, I wonder if the Patriots signed their own death warrant and simply ran out of steam.

Anyone who watched the Super Bowl could tell you that this was not the same team that crushed the Buffalo Bills 56-10 on the road in week 11.

So instead of building monuments to their perfection, instead of showing up the league when they are caught cheating, instead of inviting opposing teams to their coronation during the game, perhaps the Patriots should have done what won them three world championships in the past six years.

Shut up and win the game.

‘Heidi’ Chronicles

I’m a bit of a football purist.

I watch the Super Bowl not for the pageantry, but for the game. And while I understand that an extra week is needed to create the spectacle that is the Super Bowl, I’m a little burned out on all the conjecture, analysis and whimsy voiced every day of the week before Super Bowl Sunday arrives.

So when FOX announced that they would be airing 27 1/2 hours of pregame coverage, I decided to delay my Super Bowl viewing until as close to the alleged 6:18 PM kickoff as humanly possible. And when I did finally sit down in front of the television at around 6:00 PM, I quickly realized, with much dismay, that kickoff wouldn’t actually occur until 6:30 PM.

Now as great as the game itself was, I watched with much trepidation as the commercials and another overly long and painful halftime show invaded my inner sanctum of pigskin purity. But I must acknowledge that a few commercials were actually quite clever. The much-praised Bud Light commercials, however, have become a caricature of what they once were, now rearing their heads as one-joke, one-note commercials, consisting of a 20-second setup, a 3-second joke, a ‘Drink Bud Light’ insert, then the obligatory 2-second follow-up. Yawn.

So this year, I am only rewarding commercials that I genuinely enjoyed for more than that brief moment of comedy.

The envelope, please…

Bridgestone: Screaming squirrels, screaming wildlife, screaming woman. Good stuff.

Terminator, Sarah Connor Chronicles: Totally unexpected as a Terminator crushes that annoying FOX football robot. ‘I’ll be back.’

Fedex: Carrier pigeons with high-tech homing devices cleverly segue to giant pigeons dropping packages on an unsuspecting public. Brilliant.

Tide: Another surprising commercial. Usually detergent advertisements leave much to be desired, but this one was funny and held my attention the whole time.

Wall-E: I try to ignore movie trailers since they aren’t really your traditional Super Bowl commercial, but Woody and Buzz grabbed me and the rest of the trailer absolutely rocked.

Coke: Macy’s Thanksgiving Day balloons fighting for a Coke made for the best non-speaking commercial in a long time.

NFL Super Ad: Chester Pitts. What a terrific ad.

And finally, what was Danica Patrick thinking signing up with GoDaddy? How can you do a racy, raunchy commercial when you are trying to be taken seriously in a male-dominated sport? And the banned commercial is so bad, I won’t even show it to you. I mean it’s really, really bad. So whatever you do, don’t click here to watch it. (Turns out the commercial was so bad, it’s not on the Internet anymore.)

You clicked, didn’t you. (No, you didn’t. But if you found it online, please add it in comments below!)

I told you it was bad.

‘John Madden’ Wayback Machine

We learned something important as the final seconds ticked off at Super Bowl XLII.

No matter how good you are, no matter how great you are, a perfect season is nearly impossible to pull off.

The 2007 New England Patriots had the most prolific offense the game has ever seen. The greatest season a quarterback or wide receiver has ever had. And arguably, the best X-and-Os coach to oversee a game plan. And still, they couldn’t get it done.

Look at the 1934 and 1942 Chicago Bears. These were the teams that created the ‘Monsters of Midway’ moniker by annihilating opponents on their way to two separate perfect regular seasons. A truly awe-inspiring dynasty. And both times they fell short in the NFL championship game, first in the immortal ’sneaker’ game, then to a rival they had beaten 73-0 only two seasons earlier.

So maybe the 1972 Miami Dolphins, as annoying as they have been this year, deserve another look because in the past few months despite their perfect record, they’ve been disparaged for only beating two teams with winning records during the regular season. Going undefeated apparently wasn’t good enough. Completing the only perfect season in NFL history wasn’t good enough either.

But now that the ‘greatest team in NFL history’ has fallen short in their final game, maybe, just maybe, the Dolphins have earned a little more of our respect.

Did you know, for instance, that the 1972 Miami Dolphins had the #1 offense AND #1 defense in the league?

This was a genuine dynasty. Over four seasons, the Dolphins compiled a 47-8-1 regular season record and boasted an 8-2 mark in the playoffs. Three straight years in the Super Bowl. Two world championships.

So this was not a team that merely got lucky. They even lost starting quarterback Bob Griese to a broken leg and dislocated ankle in week 5 of their perfect season. Can you imagine the Patriots trying to run the table with Matt Cassell behind center? And despite 38-year-old Earl Morrall at quarterback, the Dolphins still led the league in points scored, total yards and rushing yards.

Especially rushing yards.

Behind Larry Csonka and Mercury Morris who both broke 1,000 yards, the Dolphins gained 2960 yards during the regular season, the most yards ever gained on the ground up to that point. That’s an average of 211 yards per game.

And that doesn’t even touch upon the legendary ‘No-Name Defense’ that allowed the fewest points (12.2 per game) and fewest yards (235.5 per game) in the league, forcing 46 turnovers in only 14 games.

Despite their fortune in regular season opponents, the Dolphins had to prove themselves on the road against the 11-3 Pittsburgh Steelers (only two years away from their Super Bowl-winning dynasty) in the AFC championship and prove themselves to Las Vegas as underdogs against the 11-3 Washington Redskins in the Super Bowl.

But prove themselves they did by beating the #2 and #3 teams in the league in games that weren’t nearly as close as the scores (21-17 over the Steelers and 14-7 over the Redskins) might suggest.

So while Mercury Morris and Don Shula may grate on our nerves, while Nick Buoniconti and Bob Kuechenberg may set our teeth on edge, we need to acknowledge that the 1972 Miami Dolphins accomplished what no other team in NFL history has ever done and what the 2007 New England Patriots could not do.

Perfection.

The post Fourth and Long: Indelible Moments in Time first appeared on Typing Monkeys.

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…”

And the two weeks between the conference championship games and the Super Bowl are really no different.

The best is that only two teams remain, preparing to battle in the biggest sports spectacle the world has ever seen.

Two teams, two cities that can envision only victory and glory on the horizon, talking about destiny and a date with football immortality ignoring for a moment that their dreams are mutually exclusive.

And the worst is that this agonizingly long gap between games only serves to encourage these modern-day gladiators to talk trash. And when they do, we act surprised and put them up on a stage we conveniently built ahead of time. And when one of them has the audacity to publicly tell the truth that they actually believe they will win the game, we put them under a piercing spotlight with cameras and microphones for all the world to see.

And still we have another five days to fill.

This year is even more pronounced what with the New England Patriots flirting with a perfect season.

A perfect season.

Can you believe that in this day and age of parity and salary caps?

While Tony Kornheiser may have predicted the undefeated season back in April, remember that the Patriots were a team under intense scrutiny as the season approached. Career malcontent Randy Moss was rumored to be on the cut list before the season even began because he would never fit in with the ‘Patriots Way.’ Defensive leader Rodney Harrison was suspended for four games after admitting to using the banned Human Growth Hormone (HGH). And of course, Bill Belichick was found guilty of cheating and fined an unprecedented $500,000 by commissioner Roger Goodell just after the first game of the season in a scandal now known as Spygate. And yet 17 games later, they are on the cusp of the greatest season in the history of the NFL.

And to be honest, the New York Giants are no different.

Their All-Pro and telegenic running back Tiki Barber embarked on a very public retirement last season, preparing himself for the world of the Today Show and Football Night in America. And after the Giants lost their first two games, everyone, including (or more appropriately, especially) Tiki, excoriated then lame-duck head coach Tom Coughlin and under-achieving (or in some cases never-achieving) Eli Manning for their failure to produce once again. This was a team adrift without Tiki. A team adrift until a new coach and a new quarterback could salvage the legacy of Parcells and Simms. And even after they secured a playoff spot for the third straight season, everyone asked if they could win in the post-season, pointing to their failures of the past two years.

And yet it was in week 17, when the Giants were expected to rest their weary players with the undefeated Patriots coming to town that everything fell into place. Even though the Giants lost that game 38-35, the closeness of the score, the competitiveness of the game, the intensity of their play, was enough to carry them through the playoffs.

So now these two teams of hobbled warriors prepare for their final confrontation in Super Bowl XLII.

Two teams who can only see victory. Two teams that can only make history.

The Patriots finishing their quest for the greatest season in the annals of the NFL. The Giants pulling off the greatest upset in all of sport, heroically defeating the greatest team ever.

Come to think of it, maybe it’s only the best of times…

The post Fourth and Long: ‘It Was the Best of Times…’ first appeared on Typing Monkeys.

As long-time readers can attest, I’ve been a harsh critic of the San Diego Chargers ever since they dumped Marty Schottenheimer last February.

But one thing about the Chargers I can’t criticize is Phillip Rivers’ courage.

You can criticize his mouthing off at fans and at opposing teams. You can criticize his bad games earlier in the season. But you can’t criticize his heart.

Philip Rivers could barely walk Saturday night and yet he managed to courageously quarterback his team through the AFC championship against the juggernaut New England Patriots. And it has since been revealed that Rivers played the game with a completely detached ACL.

An entire game without the benefit of an ACL in his right knee.

Gone.

And if that wasn’t valiant enough, it turns out he had double-secret arthroscopic surgery on his knee to scope out loose cartilage only six days before the game. Philip Rivers has proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he has a heart of a lion, finishing the game 19 of 37 for 211 yards on only one leg.

Which is unfortunate for running back LaDainian Tomlinson who could only manage to play two series in the same game with a sprained MCL.

Unfortunate because L.T. looks pretty bad in comparison.

Especially with all the talking L.T. has done this year.

L.T. used to be the class of the league. Only last year during his MVP season when he scored a record 31 touchdowns, he was famous for simply handing the ball to the referee after every score and following the Vince Lombardi dictate, “Act like you’ve been there before.”

But this season he had to add a touchdown celebration and yap. And yap some more.

Yet when his team needed him the most. When his quarterback gamely played on one leg, L.T. was sitting on the bench.

Okay, so you can’t make those cuts, you can’t explode anymore. But being on the field gives the entire team a boost.

Antonio Gates was on the field with a dislocated toe.

Philip Rivers gallantly played an entire game without an ACL.

In that situation, in that championship game, I think you have to be on the field. If you can walk, you gut it out. Even as a decoy.

This was a game the Chargers lost by only 9 points with four trips to the red zone resulting in four field goals.

A two point game at the start of the fourth quarter.

Imagine if L.T. could have given Rivers the opportunity for one effective play-action pass on any of those drives.

Convert one of those trips into a touchdown and suddenly you have a shot at glory. A shot at immortality.

Two wounded lions triumphing over the greatest team in NFL history.

But, alas, the Chargers never got that opportunity. Because while one of those lions was on the field, the other, during the biggest game of his career, was hiding on the bench under his cloak and his helmet and his mirrored visor.

‘Larry King’ Ramblings

In a news conference following their loss to the New York Giants, Dallas Cowboys’ head coach Wade Phillips opined, “After looking at the tape, I feel like the best team lost the game.”

I’m not sure what the point of that assertion was meant to be.

Was Phillips suggesting, We were the better team, but I didn’t prepare us well enough.

Maybe, the Giants’ victory will be forever tarnished because we didn’t win.

Or more likely, since Wade found himself on the losing end of the Music City Miracle, Don’t look at me, the football gods hate me.

I can understand the sour grapes and frustration from Wade Phillips. But this tendency of claiming that somehow the wrong team advanced in the playoffs is slowly and disturbingly permeating the NFC post-season landscape.

This week, Mike Vandermause of the Green Bay Gazette asserted, “Misguided football purists claim the Giants were the better team and won because they were more physical and dominated the line of scrimmage. While the Giants controlled the clock and the stat sheet, the most talented team lost on Sunday at Lambeau Field … if the Packers were physically inferior, why didn’t it show on the scoreboard?”

Um… Mike? Did you look at the scoreboard at the end of the game? I think it read, Giants 23 Packers 20.

And remember the Giants won the game despite missing two fourth-quarter field goals.

Oh, and I might add that the Packers were playing at home and got the ball first in overtime.

Why is it that no one seems capable of accepting that the New York Giants went on the road and earned consecutive playoff victories over the NFC South champion Tampa Bay Buccaneers, the #1 seed Dallas Cowboys and #2 seed Green Bay Packers?

What will happen if those pesky Giants pull off the impossible and beat the unquestionably more talented New England Patriots, quite possibly best team of all-time?

I think it’s safe to assume that a columnist from Boston will pontificate that the better team lost.

Maybe they’ll have to put an asterisk on the Giants’ Lombardi Trophy.

‘Heidi’ Chronicles

Football fans certainly warmed up to the sub-zero New York Giants-Green Bay Packers NFC championship game Sunday night giving the riveting telecast a 31.7 overnight rating.

To put that in perspective, it made for the most watched NFC championship game since 1996 (when the Cowboys defeated the Packers 38-27) and the most-watched football game since last year’s Super Bowl.

With two of the larger market teams and the most compelling storyline in decades, one has to wonder if this year’s Super Bowl matchup will generate the best Super Bowl ratings in television history.

And that’s saying something since 10 of the top 20 television broadcasts of all-time are Super Bowl telecasts.

Bearing in mind that rating represents the percentage of all televisions that are tuned to a specific program and share represents the percentage of all televisions turned on that are tuned to a specific program, here are how the past 41 Super Bowl broadcasts have fared…

	                                       Rating Share
2007	Colts 29	Bears 17	CBS	42.6	64
2006	Steelers 21	Seahawks 10	ABC	41.6	62
2005	Patriots 24	Eagles 21	FOX	41.1	62
2004	Patriots 32	Panthers 29	CBS	41.3	63
2003	Bucs 48 	Raiders 21	ABC	40.7	61
2002	Patriots 20	Rams 17		FOX	40.4	61
2001	Ravens 34	Giants 7	CBS	40.4	61
2000	Rams 23		Titans 16	ABC	43.2	62
1999	Broncos 34	Falcons 19	FOX	40.2	61
1998	Broncos 31	Packers 24	NBC	44.5	67
1997	Packers 35	Patriots 21	FOX	43.3	65
1996	Cowboys 27	Steelers 17	NBC	46.1	72
1995	49ers 49	Chargers 26	ABC	41.3	63
1994	Cowboys 30	Bills 13	NBC	45.4	66
1993	Cowboys 42	Bills 17	NBC	45.1	66
1992	Redskins 27	Bills 24	CBS	40.3	61
1991	Giants 20	Bills 19	ABC	41.8	63
1990	49ers 55	Broncos 10	CBS	39.0	63
1989	49ers 20	Bengals 16	NBC	43.5	68
1988	Redskins 42	Broncos 10	ABC	41.9	62
1987	Giants 39	Broncos 20	CBS	45.8	66
1986	Bears 46	Patriots 10	NBC	48.3	70
1985	49ers 38	Dolphins 16	ABC	46.4	63
1984	Raiders 38	Redskins 9	CBS	46.4	71
1983	Redskins 27	Dolphins 17	NBC	48.6	69
1982	49ers 26	Bengals 21	CBS	49.1	73
1981	Raiders 27	Eagles 10	NBC	44.4	63
1980	Steelers 31	Rams 19		CBS	46.3	67
1979	Steelers 35	Cowboys 31	NBC	47.1	74
1978	Cowboys 27	Broncos 10	CBS	47.2	67
1977	Raiders 32	Vikings 14	NBC	44.4	73
1976	Steelers 21	Cowboys 17	CBS	42.3	78
1975	Steelers 16	Vikings 6	NBC	42.4	72
1974	Dolphins 24	Vikings 7	CBS	41.6	73
1973	Dolphins 14	Redskins 7	NBC	42.7	72
1972	Cowboys 24	Dolphins 3	CBS	44.2	74
1971	Colts 16	Cowboys 13	NBC	39.9	75
1970	Chiefs 23	Vikings 7	CBS	39.4	69
1969	Jets 16		Colts 7		NBC	36.0	71
1968	Packers 33	Raiders 14	CBS	36.8	68
1967	Packers 35	Chiefs 10	NBC/CBS	41.1	79

‘John Madden’ Wayback Machine

18-0.

One win away from the greatest season in NFL history.

Only the second team to reach that sacred summit of perfection in professional football, right?

Wrong.

You might not read about it in any official NFL record books, but there was another professional football team that achieved perfection before the 1972 Miami Dolphins.

And it wasn’t some defunct team from the USFL or WFL.

No, the Cleveland Browns attained the first perfect season in 1948.

Only this was before they played in the NFL. The Cleveland Browns, San Francisco 49ers and Baltimore Colts all competed in a rival league from 1946 to 1949, the All-American Football Conference (AAFC), that surprisingly boasted better average attendance at their games than the National Football League. So popular were the Browns, in fact, that the NFL champion Cleveland Rams fled for Los Angeles before the Cleveland Browns with Ohio legend Paul Brown as coach had played a single game.

And for good reason did they leave. The Cleveland Browns were a juggernaut in the AAFC, winning all four league championships and dominating with an 52-4-3 record over that span, pulling in the largest crowds in professional football history.

In 1948, the Browns finished with a perfect 15-0 record amid a 29-game unbeaten streak. Not that it was all easy. The San Francisco 49ers played them tough that season when both teams were undefeated, losing 14-7 in front of 82,769 fan at Cleveland Municipal Stadium and 31-28 two weeks later in San Francisco. The Browns also survived a special AAFC Thanksgiving promotion that saw them play three games in eight days.

The Browns overcame every obstacle and crushed the Buffalo Bills in the AAFC championship game 49-7 to claim professional football’s first perfect season.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Yeah, that’s great, but were they any good?

Well, the Browns went on to win the championship again in 1949 and when it was announced that three teams from the AAFC would merge with the NFL in 1950, the four-time defending AAFC champion Cleveland Browns were matched up against the two-time defending NFL champion Philadelphia Eagles to kick off the season. At Philadelphia Municipal Stadium in front of 71,000 fans, ‘The World Series of Football’ proved to be a mismatch as the Browns, led by quarterback Otto Graham, destroyed the Eagles 35-10.

The Browns would go on to win the NFL championship that year, beating the juggernaut Los Angeles Rams in the title game on a last-second field goal. Afterwards, NFL commissioner Bert Bell called the Cleveland Browns “the greatest team to ever play football.”

The Browns would play in the next five NFL championship games, winning three more. Over a ten year span, the Cleveland Browns and quarterback Otto Graham played in 10 consecutive championship game, winning seven.

So before we crown the 2007 New England Patriots the greatest team of all-time and Tom Brady the greatest quarterback of all-time, perhaps we should look at the teams of pro football past. Especially teams that don’t crow about their success and pop champagne every year to celebrate their greatness.

The post Fourth and Long: Rivers of Courage first appeared on Typing Monkeys.

A.J. Smith was right and I was wrong.

There’s really no other way to put it.

I have been highly critical of the Chargers general manager ever since he fired Marty Schottenheimer following their loss to the Patriots in the divisional playoffs last year despite having the best record in all of football at 14-2. I was even more critical when he hired Norv Turner as head coach on February 19 after all the top-notch coaching candidates had long been lured away. And when the Chargers opened the season 1-3, I let loose on A.J. Smith with both barrels.

Even last week after the Chargers came from behind to beat a wounded Titans club and earned their first playoff victory since 1994, I reminded everyone that the only thing that mattered was the divisional playoff game against the Colts. That earning a berth in the AFC championship game was the only measure of success for the Chargers last season according to A.J. Smith. So a win over the Colts and a berth in the title game should be the only measure of success this season.

Well, beat the Colts they did.

So no mealy-mouthed mea culpa from me. Not the ‘I’m sorry if I offended anyone’ non-apology. Nor my personal favorite, the less-than-apologetic admission, ‘I’m sorry you are offended.’

Let me say it without equivocation.

I was wrong. Spectacularly wrong.

Norv Turner has proven to be the right man for the job leading the Chargers to a 5-0 December and a 2-0 January this season. His Chargers beat the defending champions 28-24 without the leading rusher in the league for three quarters and without his starting quarterback for the final 15 minutes. They punished the #3-ranked defense on the road with Billy Volek at quarterback, Michael Turner in the backfield and a hobbled Antonio Gates at tight end. In fact, Norv is 2-0 against the Colts this season and you don’t beat the Colts twice in one season or force Peyton Manning into 8 interceptions in two games by accident.

Now let’s look at the two coaches who A.J. let get away last year. His offensive coordinator Cam Cameron went 1-15 in Miami and was so ineffective that he is already looking for another job. And his defensive coordinator Wade Phillips just dropped his playoff record to 0-4 after watching his Dallas Cowboys lose to the Giants at home despite a 13-3 record and the top seed in the NFC.

Coaching selections notwithstanding, A.J. Smith has also demonstrated the Midas touch by keeping the aforementioned Michael Turner when everyone wanted to trade him, stealing WR Chris Chambers from the Dolphins for a second-round draft pick and selecting an injured Antonio Cromartie in the draft, a gem who has rewarded the Chargers with a league-high 10 interceptions and three touchdown returns in only six starts.

In fact, about the only decision that hasn’t worked out for A.J. Smith is kicker Nate Kaeding who has run his field goal statistics in the playoffs to a woeful 2-for-6 including a missed game-winning 40-yard field goal in an overtime playoff loss to the Jets in 2005 and missed game-tying 54-yard field goal on the final play of the game against the Patriots last season.

So congratulations A.J. Smith and Norv Turner. Enjoy your victory over the Colts. And if you happen to knock off the unbeaten New England Patriots in the AFC championship game, I’ll be sure to serve myself up an extra large slice of humble pie.

‘Larry King’ Ramblings

With the success of Norv Turner and the Chargers in the playoffs, the media has reminded everyone incessantly of Marty Schottenheimer’s playoff record (5-13 despite being the sixth winningest coach in the NFL with 200 regular season victories).

But it seems rather odd that Wade Phillips has gotten off largely unscathed for his 0-4 playoff record because while some of those losses have been spectacular, Wade has made a few controversial decisions prior to at least two of those losses.

Against the Giants this past weekend, Phillips started Marion Barber at running back for the first time this season. Not that Barber isn’t a terrific back (he rushed for 129 yards against the Giants), but why make the change in the playoffs? Why mess with the continuity and chemistry that gave you a 13-3 season and the top seed to begin with?

Especially when it backfired so horribly the last time you used it.

Phillips’ previous playoff appearance (and loss) as head coach was with the Buffalo Bills back in 1999 when he decided to start Rob Johnson over Doug Flutie, even though Flutie had led the Bills to the playoffs for the second straight year with an 18-8 record over two seasons.

This would be tantamount to Romeo Crennel starting unproven but highly-regarded Brady Quinn over Derek Anderson if the Browns had made the playoffs.

But the gamble seemed to pay off when the Bills went up 16-15 on a field goal with only 16 seconds remaining. However, it was then that the football gods smiled upon the Tennessee Titans and the play now known as the Music City Miracle gave them a dramatic 22-16 victory.

So if I were Wade Phillips and the Giants were coming to town, I would do everything in my power to not tempt the football gods. And that includes stopping Jerry Jones from distributing tickets to players for the NFC championship game the night before you actually earn the right to play in it.

Perhaps Wade Phillips didn’t believe in karma when he coached the Buffalo Bills.

But perhaps, just perhaps, he does now.

‘Heidi’ Chronicles

With the regular season over and the playoffs coming to a close, I feared that the ‘Heidi’ Chronicles would need to go on hiatus until next season.

That is until I watched the Chargers-Colts game Sunday. Not because of anything that occurred during the game, but because Peyton Manning (who has made a second career of hawking nearly every product known to man) unveiled his latest commercial endeavor. And this time he brought along Eli, Archie and Olivia (his mom) for the ride.

Bear in the mind that Peyton Manning makes for a pretty good pitch man.

The Mastercard Priceless Pep Talks, before that Peyton the gushing fan for Mastercard,  the Sprint NFL Mobile commercial complete with cheesy mustache, the Manning family touring the ESPN digital center while Peyton and Eli fight, and my personal favorite, the Shop NFL commercial with Peyton, Eli and Archie taking turns quarterbacking everyday household tasks and, “Checking to pancakes.”

All pretty funny.

But Sunday saw Peyton teaming up with Oreo for the Double Stuff Racing League.

I know it was supposed to be funny, but the commercial fell horribly flat even with Archie shaking his head the whole time. And when Eli asks Peyton, “Hey bro, are we making a huge mistake?” — all one can think is, yes. Yes you did.

‘Playoffs?!? Don’t Talk About Playoffs?!?’

Long-time readers will remember I predicted back in November that the Colts would shock the undefeated Patriots in the AFC championship game rematch.

Call me crazy, but I have a hunch that’s not going to happen.

San Diego Chargers at New England Patriots – 3:00PM Sunday (CBS)

Storyline: Can the surprising Chargers with a banged up LT and the prospect of Billy Volek at quarterback gain revenge over the undefeated Patriots? Do the Patriots need to be worried when all-world Tom Brady completes 26 of 28 passes, Laurence Maroney rushes for over 100 yards and they still barely pull out a victory against the Jags?

Prediction: It’s really hard to pick against a team as good and as undefeated as the Patriots. New England wins a hard-fought battle with points to spare.

New York Giants at Green Bay Packers – 6:30PM Sunday (FOX)

Storyline: Eli, not Peyton, plays in a championship game against the biggest surprise of the year, the young Green Bay Packers with veteran gunslinger Brett Favre at the helm. Forecasts call for one of the coldest championship games since the Ice Bowl.

Prediction: If you see Brett Favre grinning on the sideline early in the game, Packers win. If he looks anxious and tight, I’ll go with the Giants.

‘John Madden’ Wayback Machine

With the Patriots upping their record to 17-0 and facing the very real prospect of 18-0 by weekend’s end, it seems apropos to examine the 1942 undefeated Chicago Bears team that fell just short of perfection in much the same way the franchise did back in 1934.

But to fully understand the 1942 Chicago Bears, one needs to start with the 1940 season when the 6-2 Bears lost to the Washington Redskins 7-3. The following day, the Redskins owner, George Preston Marshall, was quoted in the newspaper as having called George Halas and his Bears ‘quitters’ and ‘crybabies.’

As fate would have it, the Bears and Redskins would meet again that season in the NFL championship game and Halas made sure to remind his team of Marshall’s quotes. Reminded they were as the Bears annihilated the Redskins 73-0, the largest margin of victory in NFL history.

The Bears won the championship again in 1941 with only one loss and by 1942, World War II was thinning the NFL talent pool through the military draft. The Bears continued to operate that season, but other teams merged to survive such as the Philadelphia Eagles and Pittsburgh Steelers temporily forming the Phil-Pitt Steagles.

But nothing seemed capable of stopping the Bears, not even when owner and coach George Halas joined the Navy during the season. The newly-dubbed ‘Monsters of Midway’ outscored their opponents 376-84, marched to a perfect 11-0 record on top of an 18-game winning streak and headed into their third straight NFL championship game.

But the NFL’s first perfect season was not to be as the Washington Redskins led by Sammy Baugh avenged their blowout loss from two years previous by stunning the Sid Luckman and the Bears 14-6.

The post Fourth and Long: Dear A.J., I Was Wrong first appeared on Typing Monkeys.

To listen to A.J. Smith, Dean Spanos and the San Diego media, one would think Norv Turner and the Chargers just won the Super Bowl.

After Sunday’s game, Smith claimed that Turner is “…coach of the year, in my mind. He did a spectacular job… His leadership has been incredible.” Spanos added, “It feels really great. It’s been a long time coming, but you can’t say enough good things about Norv and what this team has done.” And Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union-Tribune gushed that Turner is “…1-0 in January, unbeaten in December (and don’t give me that soft schedule junk; it’s the NFL) – and his players are buying his wares.”

And while the Chargers should be commended for winning their first playoff game since 1994 especially after such an inauspicious start this September, let me be allowed to make a few observations.

Lost in all the cheers and adoration is the fact that the Chargers barely beat a crippled Tennessee Titans team that played without five of their offensive starters. Lost also is the fact that they’ve been this far in the playoffs as recently as last year thanks to a 14-2 record and a first-round bye. And it was the loss to the New England Patriots in that divisional round of the playoffs that was viewed as such a colossal failure by A.J. Smith that Marty Schottenheimer had to pay for it with his job.

So before we crown A.J. Smith, Dean Spanos and Norv Turner the greatest management-coach tandem in NFL history for beating the punchless Titans on wild card weekend, let’s wait to see how the Chargers perform against the Colts.

Because if A.J. Smith is to be taken at his word at the end of last season, nothing short of a berth in the AFC championship game should be good enough.

And believe me, if Norv Turner and the Chargers do beat the Colts on Sunday, I will be the first one to publicly apologize and acknowledge the wisdom of A.J. Smith and the Chargers organization this off-season.

At least the first one to apologize on Wednesday when I publish my next column.

But to me, the bigger story of the past weekend was not the Chargers winning, or even the unbelievably exciting finish in Pittsburgh.

No, it was the New York Giants finally winning a playoff game with Eli Manning at the helm against the second-ranked defense in the league.

More importantly it was Eli Manning leading the Giants to victory by completing 20 of 27 passes with two touchdowns against a Buccaneers defense that dared Eli to beat them through the air. A defense led by Ronde Barber who publicly and unnecessarily disparaged Eli Manning on the radio.

Wasn’t it enough for Ronde’s twin brother Tiki to trash Eli all season?

One wonders what Eli ever did to the Barber twins to engender such animosity.

Did Eli’s pedigree threaten to overshadow Tiki in New York and Ronde in Tampa?

So it was refreshing to see Eli finally get his signature playoff win after years of being bashed by the New York press and the Barber twins for not being enough of a savior. This despite leading the Giants to three consecutive playoff appearances in his first three full seasons as a starter.

And if the T.O., Jessica and Romo show continues as it has the last few weeks of the season, Eli might just come out of this weekend with an even bigger prize. His first berth in a conference championship game, a full three years ahead of his brother.

Come to think of it, maybe we can get Eli and Peyton to match up against Ronde and Tiki in a tag-team wrestling match.

Now that would be something to talk about.

‘Larry King’ Ramblings

Last week I was highly critical of the Detroit Lions for firing offensive coordinator Mike Martz and placing the blame for the ills of their season upon his head like some biblical scapegoat instead of looking for a more appropriate candidate like Matt Millen (31-81 record as general manager) or anyone involved in their defense that ranked dead last in the league.

So imagine my shock when I read that the Lions had promoted Jim Colletto to offensive coordinator.

Who is Jim Colletto you ask?

This is the man who coached the Lions offensive line in 2007, an offensive line that gave up 54 sacks, third most in the league and only one behind the league-worst 49ers and Chiefs. And an offensive line boasting the second worst rushing attack in the NFL behind only the Chiefs.

I’m sorry, was the offensive line coach from the Chiefs not available?

Okay, so maybe Jim Colletto had a bad year. We all of have bad years, right?

Then it hit me.

This is the same Jim Colletto who coached at Purdue in the 1990s where he managed a 21-41-3 record over six season as head coach and offensive coordinator. The same Jim Colletto who stated, “When I get some players with talent, you will see that I am a good coach.”

Joe Tiller made mincemeat of that statement by taking over the Boilermakers and immediately leading them to a 9-3 finish and a #15 ranking. And in a delicious touch of irony, Jim Colletto was hired by talent-rich Notre Dame as offensive coordinator under Bob Davies that same season and lost to Tiller’s talent-poor Boilermakers in the second game of the season.

Colletto left Notre Dame after two dreadful seasons and a penchant for embarrassing quotes. When asked about Notre Dame’s lack of scoring in the third quarter, he quipped that with everyone going to the bathroom and getting drinks during halftime, there wasn’t enough time to make any adjustments. The following season when asked why he installed a pass offense when Notre Dame was built for running the football, Colletto responded, “If we are going to get the quality wideout to come to Notre Dame, we can’t run the ball 100 times. The game we are going to play is designed so we can get good wide receivers.”

So good luck Lions fans. The only silver lining in your future is that your offensive output might soon match that of your defense.

As for Mike Martz, we’ll find out just how good he is as he attempts to revitalize the bottom-ranked offense of the San Francisco 49ers. And call it a hunch, but I think he’ll do just fine.

‘Heidi’ Chronicles

I haven’t had much of an opportunity to talk about John Madden and Sunday Night Football this season having spent most of my time lambasting the travesty that is Football Night in America. So I would like to take a moment and acknowledge the sheer joy and excitement that John Madden brings to every game he has covered since 1979 when he became a color commentator for CBS.

Saturday night’s Jaguars-Steelers wild card playoff game was his last broadcast of the season and, as usual, we were treated to a few classic Madden moments…

When a Ben Roethlisberger pass, intended for TE Heath Miller, was deflected into the hands of WR Hines Ward, Madden noted in the understatement of the year, “That’s not the first time a ball has ever been deflected here,” Later, after Al Michaels ribbed Madden by showing a replay of the famous deflection of the Immaculate Reception that cost his Raiders a playoff victory in Pittsburgh back on December 23, 1972, Madden quipped, “We’re past that, that’s gone, that’s no more… (pause) That does happen here in Pittsburgh… and (seeing) that deflection there… I just took it back and I’m sorry. I’ll give it up later.”

Later in the game after 345-pound behemoth Grady Jackson pressured Ben Roethlisberger into throwing an interception, Madden made like Groucho Marx, “He’s the guy that slipped through right there. How at 345 pounds you slip through anywhere, I have no idea.”

And in another classic Madden moment when a pass that hit the ground was ruled a catch, Madden commented in only the way he can, “If you have both hands on the ball, there’s still going to be some ball left over.”

Finally when Hines Ward barreled over a defender instead of running out of bounds, Madden gushed, “You gotta love Hines Ward. He’s a wide receiver who plays like a linebacker… (pause) Sometimes he plays like a nose tackle.”

I know some people have tired of his comments over the years and his periodic statements of the obvious, but for me, there is no better color commentator in pro football than John Madden.

‘Playoffs?!? Don’t Talk About Playoffs?!?’

Perhaps I was premature in retiring ‘Playoffs?!?’ this year.

So much like Bill Parcells returning to NFL, welcome back a slightly different edition of ‘Playoffs?!?’ that previews the divisional playoff weekend ahead…

Seattle Seahawks at Green Bay Packers – 4:30PM Saturday (FOX)

Storyline: Ageless wonder Brett Favre leads the youngest team in the league against his old coach.

Prediction: Packers defense is too much for the wounded Matt Hasselbeck and the Pack returns to the NFC Championship game.

Jacksonville Jaguars at New England Patriots – 8:00PM Saturday (CBS)

Storyline: Patriots continue their march towards the perfect season. In their way? A young, but physical Jaguars squad that just out-Steelered the Steelers.

Prediction: Patriots get challenged for 30 minutes before finally pulling away in the fourth quarter. The bigger question… will the Patriots survive unscathed in a clash with the hard-hitting Jaguars?

San Diego Chargers at Indianapolis Colts – 1:00PM Sunday (CBS)

Storyline: Chargers beat the defending champs on a missed Vinatieri field goal earlier in the season. Will the Colts gain their revenge or will the Norv and Chargers do what Marty couldn’t?

Prediction: Colts win in a romp.

New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys – 4:30PM Sunday (FOX)

Storyline: Is the third time the charm for the Giants? Will T.O. play? Will Romo return to his midseason form?

Prediction: Look for the Giant upset.

‘John Madden’ Wayback Machine

With the very real prospect of a perfect season for the New England Patriots this year, it is perhaps time to examine in a little more detail some of the previous teams in NFL history that have come ever so close to perfection.

In 1934, the defending champion Chicago Bears finished the regular season an unprecedented 13-0 under legendary coach George Halas, outscoring their opponents by a shocking 286-86. Winners of the NFL Western Division title for the second consecutive year, the Bears with Bronco Nagurski prepared to play the 8-5 NFL Eastern Division champion New York Giants in the second annual NFL Championship game on December 9, 1934.

As fate would have it, a freezing rain froze the field of the Polo Grounds in New York City the night before. But even in such dreadful conditions, the Bears ground out a 13-3 lead through three quarters.

Yet the most critical factor of the game would be decided at halftime when Giants coach Steve Owen sent his equipment manager, Abe Cohen, to find sneakers for his players, hoping they would give the Giants a slight edge on the frozen field. Unable to find any stores open, Abe returned with eight pairs of sneakers borrowed from Manhattan College’s basketball team.

These sneakers would change the course of NFL history as the New York Giants scored four touchdowns in the fourth quarter, beginning with a 28-yard touchdown pass from quarterback Ed Danowski and a 42-yard touchdown gallop by running back Ken Strong. Strong would add an 11-yard touchdown run and Danowski would cap the victory with an 8-yard scamper of this own.

The Giants scored 27 unanswered points in the fourth quarter to stun the Bears 30-13 in what is now known in NFL lore as ‘The Sneakers Game.’

It’s makes one wonder, 73 years later, what the weather forecast is for Foxboro Saturday night…

The post Fourth and Long: Of Lightning Bolts and Giants first appeared on Typing Monkeys.

The NFL playoffs are finally here.

After 17 weeks, we have identified the top 12 teams for the greatest single-elimination tournament in all of professional sport.

Eight great playoff matchups in the next two weeks. Or, to be more precise, eight games in nine days.

Then three final games to determine the world champions.

And the best part is that it doesn’t matter if you’re undefeated like the Patriots or barely above .500 like the Redskins and Buccaneers.

Once you are in the playoffs, anything can happen… and usually does.

The Ice Bowl. The Hail Mary. The Immaculate Reception.

The Drive. The Fumble. The Catch.

The Music City Miracle.

So let’s take a look at the 2008 NFL Playoffs and see if any magical moments are in store for us. And along the way, we can see just how my predictions from six weeks ago fared…

#1 Seed New England Patriots: 16-0, check.

I predicted that the Patriots would run their record to 17-0 before falling at home to the 14-3 Colts in the AFC championship game.

So far so good, especially since the Patriots have looked vulnerable in the final six weeks of the season. And the lack of a powerful running game (the Patriots rank 13th) does not bode well for the Patriots in an inclimate weather game against top-notch opponents.

But give the Patriots credit. They’ve taken everyone’s best shot, beaten the Colts and the Cowboys on the road, and done what no team in history has ever done, finish a regular season 16-0. So if anyone is capable of 19-0, it’s Bill Belichick, Tom Brady and the Patriots.

#2 Seed Indianapolis Colts: 13-3, check.

The defending world champions, even without Marvin Harrison, may be a better team than they were last year. Their defense is certainly improved and they have developed more weapons on offense. But to repeat as world champions, they will have to beat the Patriots in Foxborough, not an easy task.

But if the Colts do knock off the Patriots, no one will ever be able to say a word against Peyton Manning or Tony Dungy again.

#3 Seed San Diego Chargers: Now this is a surprise for me.

The Chargers went on a nice run at the end of the season even if the wins against the Colts and Titans were ugly and perhaps undeserved. But I like the Lightning Bolts in the rematch against the Titans, especially now that tight end Bo Scaife is out for the season.

But before Chargers fans get too excited about winning a playoff game, remember that last year’s 14-2 record earned the Chargers a first-round bye. That’s the same thing as a win Wild Card weekend. So before claiming the firing of Marty Schottenheimer a success, you better make sure you knock off the Colts and gain a berth into the AFC championship game. Remember, not making to the AFC championship was why Marty was fired in the first place.

And talking about karma, is it wise to sign general manager A.J. Smith to a big extension and contract before actually winning a playoff game?

#4 Seed Pittsburgh Steelers: What a stunning fall from mid-season when the Steelers were anointed the challenger of the Patriots and Colts. But a 10-6 record and an AFC North crown isn’t exactly a disappointment with a first-year coach.

Unfortunately without Willie Parker and OT Max Starks, the Steelers may have a short playoff run considering their opponent, the Jacksonville Jaguars, ran roughshod over the Steelers not three weeks ago.

#5 Seed Jacksonville Jaguars: Speaking of the Jags, is there a team on a bigger roll?

Right, the Patriots. 16 wins in a row.

Regardless, the Jags have been impressive down the stretch running the ball and playing hard-nose defense.

I really like this team.

Which, of course, means I’ve given them the kiss of death.

#6 Seed Tennessee Titans: Nice recovery down the stretch to make it to the playoffs, even it was against the Chiefs, the Jets and Jim Sorgi.

In only his second season, Vince Young has led the Titans to the playoffs. Now it remains to be seen if he can prove that the loss to the Chargers earlier this season was a fluke. Can Young pull off another upset?

I tend to doubt it, but if anyone can throw a team on his back, it’s Vince Young. Just ask USC.

Now for the NFC…

#1 Seed Dallas Cowboys: Top seed in the NFC, check.

Unfortunately since their win over the Packers, the Cowboys just have not looked right.

T.O. is out with an injury and might miss the divisional playoff game next week. Tony Romo has been in a funk since his relationship with Jessica Simpson went public. And the interviewing of half the Cowboys staff for opportunities around the rest of the league makes one wonder if ‘America’s Team’ has the right focus for a playoff run.

My hunch is that the Cowboys are primed for an upset, potentially resulting in Wade Phillips losing his head coaching job to offensive coordinator and wunderkind Jason Garrett.

#2 Seed Green Bay Packers: Number two seed, check.

Despite the Cowboys’ vulnerability, I’m simply not sold on the Packers this year. They’ve had a terrific run and Brett Favre has been unbelievable, especially at age 38.

But is it unthinkable for the Packers to have a bad day throwing the football and drop out of the playoffs in a hurry? Not at all. Look at how they played against the Bears only two weeks ago.

That said, with the NFC the way it is , it also wouldn’t shock me if the Packers made a return appearance to the Super Bowl.

#3 Seed Seattle Seahawks: No running game, check. A team that looks great one week and horrible the next, check.

Here is another NFC team that could be one and done or make it to the Super Bowl.

Aren’t ‘expert’ predictions great?

#4 Seed Tampa Bay Buccaneers: I genuinely don’t have a good feeling for the Buccaneers this year. I know some pundits have the Bucs as their dark horse. Not me.

A return to the playoffs is certainly an achievement and Jon Gruden deserves all the credit in the world. But the Bucs haven’t been healthy all season and haven’t looked sharp in over a month.

My guess is one-and-done.

#5 Seed New York Giants: What an inspired performance against the Patriots.

If the Giants can keep the momentum going, if Eli Manning can play worry-free for another four quarters and if the Giants’ receivers can stop dropping the ball, G-Men should pull off the upset in Tampa Bay and might even sneak into the NFC championship game.

#6 Seed Washington Redskins: Wow. Joe Gibbs proves again why he is a Hall-of-Fame coach.

This team was finished following a gut-wrenching loss to the Bills after the death of Sean Taylor. And I include myself in that group of doubters. But four impressive wins later with a backup quarterback who hadn’t played a meaningful down in ten years landed this gutsy Redskin team in the playoffs.

Can they beat the Seahawks?

I have a hunch they can. But even if they don’t, the Redskins have proven themselves champions..

So how do I see this weekend playing out? Don’t surprised to see three road teams walk away with victories.

As is the case with the NFL Playoffs, anything can happen… and most assuredly will.

‘Larry King’ Ramblings

Offensive coordinator Mike Martz was fired this week, chosen as the scapegoat for the Detroit Lions. Everyone’s mistakes, sins and blown assignments were laid on Martz’ head as he left town to take the fall for the Lions collapse down the stretch.

But was it really Martz’s fault?

Not according to QB Jon Kitna. And not according to stats that shows the Lions passing offense as 9th in the league and a total offense at 19th, up from 22nd last year, not to mention the most Lions’ wins in a season since 2000.

If you want to blame someone, what about starting with the worst defense in the league?

This is not to suggest that the notoriously hard-to-get-along-with Martz was blameless. But hasn’t there been someone calling the shots in Detroit a little longer than Mike Martz?

At some point, general manager Matt Millen needs to be held accountable for his failure in Detroit. His career record as general manager of the Lions is an appalling 31-81. And this after inheriting a 9-7 franchise in 2000.

Instead of firing the offensive genius behind the ‘Greatest Show on Turf,’ perhaps Matt Millen needs to take a good, hard look at himself.

‘Heidi’ Chronicles

Commissioner Roger Goodell and the NFL Network may have just pulled off the coup of the year.

Yes, they gave the Patriots-Giants game to NBC and CBS for no charge. But they also turned the telecast into a veritable three-hour commercial for the NFL Network.

A three-hour commercial watched by 34. 5 million people to be exact.

That makes the game the most watched television show of the season AND the most watched telecast since the Academy Awards last February. To put it in perspective, it was the highest-rated regular season game since Thanksgiving 1995 when the Marty Schottenheimer’s Kansas City Chiefs battled Barry Switzer’s Dallas Cowboys.

And since only 4.5 million people watched the game on the NFL Network, 30 million people who never would have seen the game were treated to history in the making and a free preview of the NFL Network.

Whether that helps the NFL Network get on more cable systems in the future remains to be seen. But if the NFL Network had not shared the game with the rest of the world, they certainly would have been the most reviled sports channel in modern times.

Battle for Darren McFadden (or Colt Brennan or Whoever the #1 Pick Will Be)

The playoffs are set, so ‘Playoffs?!? Don’t Talk About Playoffs?!?’ will be placed on hiatus until the start of the 2008 season.

But that still leaves the other 20 NFL franchises whose most interesting discussion are what picks they will have in the upcoming 2008 NFL draft come April…

#1 – Miami Dolphins (1-15): Clinched the top pick with one of the worst seasons in NFL history. The good news, however, is that Bill Parcells is in town and cleaning house.
#2 – St. Louis Rams (3-13): Second-worst record in the NFL. What a humbling fall from the ‘Greatest Show on Turf’ just a scant few years ago.
#3/4/5 – Atlanta Falcons (4-12)/Oakland Raider (4-12)/Kansas City Chiefs (4-12): In a weird twist of fate, a coin flip will decide the third, fourth and fifth pick. If the Falcons win the toss, they pick third, the Raiders fourth and the Chiefs fifth since they finished ahead of the Raiders in the AFC West tiebreaker. If the Raiders win the toss, they pick third and the Falcons and Chiefs flip again to determine who picks fourth and fifth. Whew!
#6 – New York Jets (4-12): Clinched the sixth pick with the hardest schedule of all the 4-12 teams.
#7 – San Francisco 49ers (5-11): This is the pick that was traded to the New England Patriots before the season. The 16-0 Patriots.
#8 – Baltimore Ravens (5-11): Who will be the next Ravens coach?
#9 – Cincinnati Bengals (7-9): Are more changes on the horizon for the Bengals?
#10 – New Orleans Saints (7-9): Can the Saints bounce back next year?
#11 – Buffalo Bills (7-9): Is Trent Edwards the answer at quarterback?
#12 – Denver Broncos (7-9): Is Cutler really the future in Denver?
#13 – Carolina Panthers (7-9): Looks like John Fox gets another year.
#14 – Chicago Bears (7-9): The curse of the Super Bowl runner-up continues.
#15 – Detroit Lions (7-9): An improvement over last year, but closing 1-7 is never a good sign.
#16 – Arizona Cardinals (8-8): Warner or Leinart next year?
#17 – Minnesota Vikings (8-8): Very disappointing finish.
#18 – Houston Texans (8-8): Best record in franchise history.
#19 – Philadelphia Eagles (8-8): Will Reid and McNabb be back for one more run?
Picks #20-31 – To be determined by the playoffs (the Patriots lost their #1 pick due to spygate).

‘John Madden’ Wayback Machine

Aside from completing the first 16-0 regular season record in league history, the New England Patriots also rewrote several pages of the history books Saturday night including these three very impressive records.

Most Points Scored in a Season
589 – 2007 New England Patriots
556 – 1998 Minnesota Vikings
541 – 1983 Washington Redskins
540 – 2000 St. Louis Rams
526 – 1999 St. Louis Rams
522 – 2004 Indianapolis Colts
513 – 1961 Houston Oilers
513 – 1984 Miami Dolphins
505 – 1994 San Francisco 49ers
503 – 2001 St. Louis Rams
501 – 1998 Denver Broncos

Perhaps even more impressive is the ‘Greatest Show on Turf’ of the St. Louis Rams has three of the top ten scoring offenses of all time.

Single Season Touchdown Passes
50 – Tom Brady, 2007 New England Patriots
49 – Peyton Manning, 2004 Indianapolis Colts
48 – Dan Marino, 1984 Miami Dolphins
44 – Dan Marino, 1986 Miami Dolphins
41 – Kurt Warner, 1999 St. Louis Rams
39 – Brett Favre, 1996 Green Bay Packers
39 – Daunte Culpepper, 2004 Minnesota Vikings
38 – Brett Favre, 1995 Green Bay Packers
36 – George Blanda, 1961 Houston Oilers
36 – Y.A. Tittle, 1963 New York Giants
36 – Steve Young, 1998 San Francisco 49ers
36 – Steve Beuerlein, 1999 Carolina Panthers
36 – Kurt Warner, 2000 St. Louis Rams
36 – Tony Romo, 2007 Dallas Cowboys

Just a reminder of how great Dan Marino was, how good Brett Favre has been over his career and that Tony Romo is no slouch either. But that George Blanda and Y.A. Tittle are still on the list from the early 1960s is simply astounding.

Single Season Touchdown Receptions
23 – Randy Moss, 2007 New England Patriots
22 – Jerry Rice, 1987 San Francisco 49ers (strike-shortened season!)
18 – Sterling Sharpe, 1994 Green Bay Packers
18 – Mark Clayton, 1984 Miami Dolphins
17 – Don Hudson, 1942 Green Bay Packers
17 – Elroy Hirsch, 1951 Los Angeles Rams
17 – Bill Groman, 1961 Houston Oilers
17 – Jerry Rice, 1989 San Francisco 49ers
17 – Carl Pickens, 1995 Cincinnati Bengals
17 – Chris Carter, 1995 Minnesota Vikings
17 – Randy Moss, 1998 Minnesota Vikings
17 – Randy Moss, 2003 Minnesota Vikings

Don’t forget that Jerry Rice’s 22 touchdowns came in the 1987 strike-shortened season where he played only 12 games!

The post Fourth and Long: Playoff Spectacular first appeared on Typing Monkeys.

The NFL playoffs are right around the corner and like most seasons of late, a few teams competing for the final playoff spots are genuine surprises. Teams that were given little shot at succeeding this year, but are peaking at just the right time.

I am, of course, talking about the Cleveland Browns and the Minnesota Vikings.

That is until they lost this past weekend, inflicting near fatal wounds to their playoff chances.

So once again, what we thought would be the story of the week has faded into unrealized dreams.

Which leads me to believe that perhaps the most important event in professional football this past week may not have occurred on the football field.

No, the most critical event was the hiring of Bill Parcells as head of football operations for the Miami Dolphins.

We’ve seen this before when two-time Super Bowl-winning coach Bill Parcells came out of retirement to turn around the moribund New England Patriots in 1993. With all of their recent success, it may be hard to remember that the now dynastic Patriots managed only 9 wins in three seasons before Parcells arrived. By his fourth season with the team, Bill Parcells had them in the Super Bowl against the Packers.

Was there drama? Did Parcells utter the now (in)famous phrase, “If they’re gonna let you cook the dinner, they at least ought to let you shop for some of the groceries.” Did he quit the Patriots right after the Super Bowl loss?

Yes.

But Bill Parcells, in my estimation, is worth the trouble.

Don’t believe me? Take a look at his next stop.

The New York Jets suffered cruelly under the inept hands of Rich Kotite whose record over his final two and a half seasons was an appalling 4-35. Parcells invigorated this long-suffering franchise and turned them around in his first season barely missing the playoffs with a 9-7 record. By the following year, he had the Jets in the AFC championship game where they lead the defending world champions Denver Broncos by 10 in the second half.

Did the Jets eventually fall to the Broncos in the fourth quarter of the AFC championship game? Were they forced to endure the bizarre coaching shuffle from Parcells to Belichick to Al Groh? Did the Jets collapse not long after Parcells departed?

Yes, but it again depends upon how you feel about Parcells. This is a guy who has had success everywhere he’s gone. Does he joust with the press? Play head games with his players? Yes, but to me at least, he’s exhibited marked success everywhere he has gone including his last stop with the Cowboys.

Sure, Parcells didn’t win a playoff game while in charge of the Cowboys, but when he took over in 2003, Dallas had endured three consecutive 5-11 seasons. In his first year, Parcells led them to the playoffs. And last year, he set them up for an improbable playoff run by replacing Drew Bledsoe with the unsung Tony Romo, an inspired and gutsy call. If not for a gut-wrenching fumbled snap against the Seahawks, the Cowboys might have made a deep run into the playoffs. And this season, the Cowboys have locked up the number one seed that is surely a testament to what Parcells built.

And yet there are still critics calling Parcells a bully and a prima donna who used the Falcons to get a better deal out of the Dolphins.

Which leads me to an inescapable conclusion.

We defend those who we like.

We make allowances for their shortcomings by believing their faults are what make them human.

We all do it.

I like Bill Parcells. I look past his flaws and shortcomings and see, for the most part, only that portion of the picture that I want to see.

And if you can look past his flaws, you’ll find in a few years that he will have turned around the Miami Dolphins.

And a few years after that, he’ll retire once again to leave us to debate his success… and his flaws.

‘Larry King’ Ramblings

The final weekend of the regular season is here and, surprisingly, there are very few games that really matter. So for your enjoyment pleasure, here is your viewing guide for Week 17…

#1) Saturday 8:00PM (NFL Network, simulcast on NBC and CBS): Patriots at Giants

A game that matters only for the record books. Will the New England Patriots reach perfection? Will Tom Brady break Peyton Manning’s single season passing touchdown record? Will Randy Moss break Jerry Rice’s single season touchdown reception record?

#2) Sunday 1:00PM: Saints at Bears

If the Redskins AND Vikings lose their afternoon games, the Saints sneak into the playoffs with a victory in Chicago.

#3a) Sunday 4:15PM: Cowboys at Redskins

Speaking of which, the Redskins control their destiny. Win and they are in. But if they should lose…

#3b) Sunday 4:15PM: Vikings at Broncos

…and the Vikings beat the Broncos, then Vikings take the final NFC playoff spot.

#4a) Sunday 4:15PM: Chargers at Raiders

If the Chargers win as they should, they will clinch the #3 seed thereby avoiding the dangerous Jacksonville Jaguars in the first round of the playoffs. But if the Chargers stumble…

#4b) Sunday: 4:15PM: Steelers at Ravens

…and the Steelers win, then give the #3 seed to the Pittsburgh Steelers and rookie head coach Mike Tomlin.

#5) Sunday 8:15PM: Titans at Colts

Sunday Night Football features the best game of the day. If the Titans win, they claim the final playoff spot. Lose and the Browns make it to the playoffs… regardless of how they do against the 49ers.

‘Heidi’ Chronicles

Emmitt Smith has been receiving a lot of criticism for his verbal miscues on ESPN, but I think the bigger story this year should be Bryant Gumbel’s performance on the NFL Network.

Gumbel was brought aboard the NFL Network last year to bring legitimacy to their NFL broadcast team. But to put it mildly, Bryant Gumbel has been dreadful. And it’s made all the more apparent by how good Chris Collinsworth is, such as his comparison of quarterback release times showing that Tony Romo at .26 seconds is even faster than Dan Marino at .30.

To highlight an example of Gumbel’s questionable work, let’s look at Saturday night’s game when Panthers rookie QB Matt Moore threw into disguised coverage and was picked off. When Gumbel asked why Moore could possibly throw into that situation when he had better options on the other side of the field, Collinsworth answered incredulously, “Because he doesn’t know any better. It’s his second game. It’s why you don’t play guys this early in their careers.”

Gumbel quickly changed subjects and tried to suggest that with the ball sitting on the fifty-yard line after the interception, the Cowboys wouldn’t try to score with only 1:17 on the clock. Again, Collinsworth was audibly surprised, adding that he thought the Cowboys might try to add a field goal to their lead. And while the Cowboys didn’t score, like any NFL team in that situation, they certainly tried.

In some ways, Gumbel is showing some improvement. Earlier in the season he praised the quarterbacking skills of Dallas Cowboys’ star, Rick Romo. So this Saturday night when the NFL Network telecast of the New England Patriots at the New York Giants is simulcast on NBC and CBS, enjoy Bryant Gumbel as he chronicles the historic achievements QB Brad Brady and coach Bruce Belichick.

Playoffs?!? Don’t Talk About Playoffs?!?

AFC Playoff Seeds
1) New England Patriots (15-0): One more win for a perfect regular season.
2) Indianapolis Colts (13-2): Colts blow out the Texans. This is how you want to enter the playoffs.
3) San Diego Chargers (10-5): Another nice win against the Broncos. Impressive run after a disastrous 1-3 start.
4) Pittsburgh Steelers (10-5): 10 wins in Tomlin’s rookie season. Not bad. Not bad at all.
5) Jacksonville Jaguars (11-4): Crushing victory over the Raiders. This is another team peaking at just the right time.
6a) Tennessee Titans (9-6): It’s simple. Titans win and they’re in…
6b) Cleveland Browns (9-6): …Titans lose and the Browns are in..

NFC Playoff Seeds
1) Dallas Cowboys (13-2): Packers loss gives the Cowboys homefield. So the only worry is T.O.’s health and Romo’s confidence.
2) Green Bay Packers (12-3): Not the way to play when you’re hoping to steal home-field advantage.
3) Seattle Seahawks (10-5): Seahawks thump the Ravens and clinch the #3 slot for the playoffs.
4) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-6): Buccaneers are trying to get healthy. Don’t expect much from the starters.
5) New York Giants (10-5): Giants finally close out the wild card spot. Now a date with history and then the playoffs.
6a) Washington Redskins (8-7): Very, very impressive win on the road. Beat the T.O.-less Cowboys and the Redskins make the playoffs. Lose and…
6b) Minnesota Vikings (8-7): …the Vikings get in with a win. Should both the Redskins and the Vikings lose…
6c) New Orleans Saints (7-8): …and New Orleans wins, then the Saints pull off the miracle and return to the playoffs to play the Seahawks.

‘John Madden’ Wayback Machine

Back before the NFL added a 17th week to the regular season. Before the endless rounds of playoffs. Before even ESPN, playoff football began Christmas weekend.

And back some 35 years ago before instant replay and the hundreds of different camera angles there was a play that changed NFL football. And changed the fortunes of a franchise along the Monongahela, Alleheny and Ohio rivers.

The Immaculate Reception.

It was December 23, 1972 and the Pittsburgh Steelers trailed the Oakland Raiders 7-6 in the divisional playoffs. Facing a fourth-and-ten on their own 40 with only 22 seconds left in the game, Terry Bradshaw threw a desperation pass in the direction of Steeler fullback John ‘Frenchy’ Fuqua. Raiders safety Jack Tatum collided with Fuqua as the ball arrived, sending it high into the air. As the crowd watched the Steelers season coming to an end, from out of nowhere Franco Harris caught the ball with his fingertips and raced downfield for a touchdown and a Steelers win.

Surprisingly, what has been forgotten over the intervening 35 years is that while the referees probably got the call right, the referee, Fred Swearingen, telephoned NFL’s supervisor of officials Art McNally in the press box before signaling the touchdown a minute later. It is perhaps the first time that instant replay was used to determine the outcome of the game.

Even more curiously, is that the Steelers did not go on to win the Super Bowl that year or the next as most people believe. It was the Miami Dolphins who defeated the Steelers the following week 21-17 on the way to their undefeated season and first of two consecutive Super Bowl titles.

Battle for Darren McFadden (or Colt Brennan or Whoever the #1 Pick Will Be)

#1 – Miami Dolphins (1-14): Dolphins lock up the No. 1 pick while Hurricane Tuna hits Thursday.
#2 – Atlanta Falcons (3-12): Will Marty Schottenheimer end up in Atlanta?
#3 – St. Louis Rams (3-12): Another tough loss which begs the question, does Linehan deserve another season?
#4 – New York Jets (3-12): The end of the Chad Pennington era.

The post Fourth and Long: Defending Those We Like first appeared on Typing Monkeys.

One of the things I’ve alway enjoyed about the NFL is that games don’t always determine who the better team is as much as who the better team is on that day.

The NBA, NHL and MLB all take the approach that seven-game series is the true arbiter of who is better. Everyone gets to play at home in front of their fans. The weather is never a factor. And if it does rain, baseball will even postpone the game until the weather clears up.

But not football.

One game to crown a winner. And if it happens to be so foggy that you can’t see the endzone, if it’s raining so hard that the field turns into a quagmire or if it’s a blizzard and 30 below zero, you still play the game.

The weather, the wind, and so many other factors impact the game. And impact who wins the game.

This weekend, we saw the Browns survive the Bills and the snow; the Patriots outlast the Nor’easter, the sleet and the Jets. The Seahawks weren’t as fortunate with the winds of Carolina and surprisingly it was the Jaguars from sunny Florida who flourished in the snow of Pittsburgh.

Even the Cowboys felt the weight of inclimate weather as they lost to the Eagles.

The winds, the rains, the… oh, right. Weather wasn’t a factor this weekend for the Cowboys. Nor was it a factor last week when they nearly stumbled against the Lions.

No, something else was at work.

The Cowboys had themselves a case of overconfidence.

Instead of focusing on the Eagles, a team that nearly knocked off the undefeated Patriots while starting a backup quarterback, the Cowboys seemed to be focusing on all the wrong things.

Tony Romo’s latest celebrity girlfriend attending her first Cowboys’s game. T.O. and other vocal Cowboys opining that the NFC East goes through Dallas and not Philadelphia. The prospect of going to the Super Bowl.

Surprised?

You shouldn’t be. Look at Wade Phillips. Earlier in the week when asked by the press if he thought the Eagles were a good team, he answered after a long pause, “No, no they aren’t.”

The room erupted into laughter.

Funny line.

But not one that should be uttered by a head coach when your team is so consistently unfocused. When your owner is looking for a reason to replace you with your offensive coordinator before some other team hires him as their head coach.

And do you want to know what’s even funnier than Wade Phillips’ line?

Just two weeks ago after defeating the Green Bay Packers, the Cowboys were regarded as the team to beat in the NFC. A legitimate challenger for the Patriots in the Super Bowl. But now after a miraculous victory over the Lions and an ugly loss to the Eagles, suddenly the perception is that this is a team in crisis. Let’s not forget, the pundits are saying, the Cowboys have collapsed every December for the past decade.

When you win, you are a team that has learned how to win close games. When you lose, suddenly every close win was lucky.

And if Wade Phillips isn’t careful his ‘Boys of destiny are going to become the ghosts of Decembers past.

And Jason Garrett will be the Cowboys coach come next season.

‘Larry King’ Ramblings

Before I get too far ahead of myself, let me take a moment to offer hearty congratulations to the Miami Dolphins for winning their first game of the season. The NFL is a grueling sport and no team deserves to go through an entire season with the ignominy of not winning a single game. So kudos to Cam Cameron and the rest of the Dolphins organization.

As for the rest of the NFL, remember back in November when the Steelers were going to be the next challengers for the Patriots? How the Steelers and not the Colts were going to earn the first-round bye in the AFC?

Well, the Steelers are 2-3 in their last five games, losing to the Jets, the Patriots and on Sunday, the Jaguars. And now they find themselves tied with the Cleveland Browns for the AFC North and desperately needing a win to get into the playoffs.

All of a sudden, the Steelers next opponents, the Rams with Marc Bulger and Steven Jackson don’t seem like a pushover. Suddenly the Ravens at home doesn’t seem like such an automatic win.

That’s what happens when you lose a couple of games in a row.

But come Thursday, when the Steelers walk out of St. Louis with a victory, suddenly everything will be okay. Mike Tomlin will be a genius again. And the Steelers will be two years removed from a world championship, not five weeks removed from a loss to the Jets.

‘Heidi’ Chronicles

The best NFL show you’re not watching isn’t on the NFL Network.

No, it’s the venerable Inside the NFL on HBO.

Why aren’t you watching it? Well, it’s on HBO true, but even if you have premium cable, you’ve probably forgotten it’s still on. And for some reason HBO airs it on Wednesday nights and that is last day someone would expect something new about the NFL.

Aside from this column, of course.

Bob Costas is at his best in this series which makes watching him on Football Night in America all the harder. Chris Collinsworth may be the best studio analyst around — he’s sharp, funny and not afraid to be controversial. Dan Marino is his usual polished self, but it’s the genuine joking around on the show that makes him seem a little more personable than he is on the CBS. Chris Carter is terrific. He isn’t afraid to call teams soft or challenge the big name athletes out there. He is such a refreshing breath of fresh air in a broadcast world where few feel comfortable speaking the truth as they see it.

This past week featured Carter and Collinsworth giving ‘locker room speeches’ to the Patriots and Jets respectively before their big game. Carter was great, but Collinsworth stole the show with a speech that would have made Lombardi proud.

And Inside the NFL boasts the best NFL highlights, period, taking advantage of the NFL Films’ great camera work and voiceovers. But since the current voice of NFL Films also does the voiceover for the NFL Chunky Soup commercials, one is constantly expecting a segue to LaDainian Tomlinson’s mom.

Playoffs?!? Don’t Talk About Playoffs?!?

AFC Playoff Seeds
1) New England Patriots (14-0): The good news? Home-field advantage clinched throughout the playoffs. The bad news? Their offense isn’t built for cold weather.
2) Indianapolis Colts (12-2): Colts get it done in Oakland, wrap up the AFC South and first-round bye.
3) San Diego Chargers (9-5): Chargers clinch AFC West and move ahead of the Steelers in the seedings.
4) Pittsburgh Steelers (9-5): Two losses in a row and the pressure is on the Steelers.
5) Jacksonville Jaguars (10-4): Jags finally win a big game. Could they be the dark horse in the AFC?
6) Cleveland Browns (9-5): Browns find a way to win in the snow.

Still in the Hunt:

Tennessee Titans (8-6): Still alive, but just barely.

NFC Playoff Seeds
1) Dallas Cowboys (12-2): Suddenly the Cowboys look vulnerable.
2) Green Bay Packers (12-2): The Packers just keep winning, clinching a first-round bye. Can they steal home-field advantage from the Cowboys?
3) Seattle Seahawks (9-5): Unconscionable loss to the Panthers who started a rookie QB.
4) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (9-5): Impressive bounce-back win after losing to the Texans last week.
5) New York Giants (9-5): Giants need to beat the Bills on the road to clinch a wild card.
6) Minnesota Vikings (8-6): Always nice to get the win, but the Vikings need to play better if they want to hold onto the final playoff spot.

Still in the Hunt:

New Orleans Saints (7-7): Back to .500 again.
Washington Redskins (7-7): Nice win. Vikings up next.

‘John Madden’ Wayback Machine

Brett Favre is simply amazing.

While I expected him to break 60,000 passing yards this season, I didn’t believe he could overtake Dan Marino as the all-time passing yardsage leader before the end of the season. I mean, Favre was on the downside of his career, throwing more interceptions than touchdowns the past two seasons and sporting a 71.8 quarterback rating over the same period. This was another case of a great player hanging on for too long.

Well, pass Dan Marino he did on Sunday. Favre has thrown for almost 4,000 yards in only 14 games this season with 26 touchdowns against 13 interceptions and a quarterback rating of 97.7, the second best rating of his career. This year alone, Favre has broken records for career wins, passing touchdowns, attempts, yardage and, unfortunately, interceptions.

I know I ran the all-time career passing yardage list not too long in this column, but re-running feels like the right thing to do especially since this might be the last major record left for Favre to break. And don’t look now, but Peyton Manning has already jumped two spots to #9 since last time. If I am still doing this column six years from now, don’t be surprised to see Manning at the top of this list.

1) Brett Favre (1991-Present) 61,405 yards, Falcons/Packers.
2) Dan Marino (1983-1999) 61,361 yards, Dolphins.
3) John Elway (1983-1998) 51,475 yards, Broncos.
4) Warren Moon (1984-2000) 49,325 yards, Oilers/Vikings/Seahawks/Chiefs with the first five years of his career playing for the Edmonton Eskimos of the CFL.
5) Fran Tarkenton (1962-1978) 47,003 yards, Vikings/Giants/Vikings.
6) Vinny Testaverde (1987-Present) 46,233 yards, Buccaneers/Browns/Ravens/Jets/Cowboys/Patriots/Panthers.
7) Drew Bledsoe (1993-2006) 44,611 yards, Patriots/Bills/Cowboys.
8) Dan Fouts (1973-1987) 43,040 yards, Chargers.
9) Peyton Manning (1998-Present) 40,944 yards, Colts.
10) Joe Montana (1979-1994) 40,551 yards, 49ers/Chiefs.
11) Johnny Unitas (1955-1973) 40,239 yards, Colts/Chargers.

Battle for Darren McFadden (or Colt Brennan or Whoever the #1 Pick Will Be)

#1 – Miami Dolphins (1-13): Dolphins finally get a much-deserved win.
#2 – Atlanta Falcons (3-11): This team is in an absolute free fall even without Petrino.
#3 – St. Louis Rams (3-11): Close game with the Packers for about a half.
#4 – New York Jets (3-11): The Jets played the Patriots really tough. Of course, they still don’t have a quarterback.

The post Fourth and Long: Cracking Jokes in Dallas first appeared on Typing Monkeys.

Let’s face it. The best chances to beat the Patriots are already in the past.

The Colts were up by ten at home with nine minutes left on the clock and couldn’t get it done.

The Eagles had a win in their sights during the final minutes when an ill-advised pass derailed their upset bid.

The Ravens won the game outright until a timeout and an offsides penalty wiped out back-to-back fourth-down stops with under two minutes to go.

The blueprint on how to beat the Patriots is out there. Run against them. Throw the short slant. Jam their receivers. Pressure Brady.

But who will actually pull it off? Who will beat the Patriots when all is said and done?

The truth is probably nobody.

So instead of going on ad nauseum about how another team failed to upset the Patriots, I will take you on a journey to observe sports headlines of the next few weeks.

Headlines that will, undoubtedly, never see print.

Week 15: SPYGATE PAYBACK: MANGINI, JETS STUN BELICHICK, PATRIOTS

Why this headline rings true: Mangini knows the Patriots better than any coach in the league. He’s beaten the Patriots before. He’s already beaten the Steelers this season so we know the Jets are capable of big things. And the Patriots won’t be taking the 3-10 Jets very seriously, especially at home.

Why this headline rings hollow: The Patriots already beat the Jets 38-14 in week one and that was before Mangini started this whole Spygate mess. Don’t you think Belichick and the Patriots have been drooling all season for this game?

Week 16: GHOSTS OF ’72: ‘IMPERFECT” DOLPHINS SURPRISE ‘PERFECT’ PATRIOTS

Why this headline rings true: If the winless Dolphins upset the undefeated Patriots in week 16, we would experience the ultimate dose of NFL karma. And believe it or not, the last regular season loss the Patriots suffered was at the hands of the Dolphins last season 21-0.

Why this headline rings hollow: Since that game, the Patriots haven’t lost in the regular season and the Dolphins have yet to win. And no matter matter how karmic a Dolphins’ victory would be, it’s just not going to happen. Witness week seven when the Patriots crushed the Dolphins in Miami 49-28. Oh, and didn’t former Dolphins coach Don Shula mention something about an asterisk?

Week 17: TAKE THAT PEYTON! ELI, GIANTS KNOCK OUT PATRIOTS

Why this headline rings true: There is no reason for the Patriots to play all their starters during the final week of the season with homefield advantage locked up. Who wants to risk an injury before a run at the Super Bowl?

Why this headline rings hollow: An undefeated season is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. Belichick, Brady and the rest of the Patriots have wanted to go down in history as the greatest team in NFL history since this whole Spygate furor started. And beating the Giants to become the first team to go 16-0 during the regular season is exactly what they have in mind.

Divisional Playoffs: CHARGERS SHOCK PATRIOTS; TURNER OUTCOACHES BELICHICK

Why this headline rings true: When you have LT and a stellar defense, anything is possible. Remember, the Chargers were supposed to win it all last year and should have beaten the Patriots in the playoffs if not for a few quirky turns of fate.

Why this headline rings hollow: In week two, the Patriots dismantled the Chargers 38-14 and despite what A.J. Smith might think, Norv Turner is not a big-game coach. And he might not be a small-game coach either. Of course, don’t be shocked if the Jaguars upset the Chargers Wild Card weekend and play the Patriots instead…

Divisional Playoffs, Take 2: JAGUARS SHOCK PATRIOTS; GARRARD OUTPLAYS BRADY

Why this headline rings true: The Jags have a power running game, a QB who doesn’t throw interceptions, and a hard-hitting defense that might be able to take advantage of the Patriots’ perceived weaknesses.

Why this headline rings hollow:The Jaguars have yet to prove they can win the big game and Florida teams seldom play well in the frigid northern climates during January championship football.

AFC Championship: PEYTON’S PAYBACK: COLTS BEAT PATS IN PLAYOFFS… AGAIN!

Why this headline rings true: The Colts are the defending world champions and they almost beat the Patriots without starting left tackle Tony Ugoh and All-Pro WR Marvin Harrison earlier this year after stunning them in the championship game last season. And the Colts may be an even better team this year with a running game more suited for the cold than the Patriots.

Why this headline rings hollow: This is the game the Patriots have been waiting for ever since their shield of invulnerability was shattered last season in the loss to the Colts after being up 18. This game, perhaps more than any other all season, is the one that means the most to Patriots who will be at home playing their best football of the season.

What About the Steelers? Okay… one more headline to satisify those of you from Pittsburgh…

AFC Championship, Take 2: STEELERS STUN PATS; SMITH INTERCEPTS BRADY 3 TIMES!

Happy?

Now onto the final game…

Super Bowl: COWBOYS END PATRIOTS PERFECTION; T.O. HUMBLE IN VICTORY

Why this headline rings true: The Cowboys have an aura about them this season that is hard to ignore. Tony Romo might be exactly the kind of improvising QB needed to pull off the upset. And the Cowboys were leading the Patriots in the third quarter earlier this season.

Why this headline rings hollow: Let’s not forget how that game ended. The Patriots crushed the Cowboys 48-27 in Dallas. The Cowboys, frankly, have yet to demonstrate that they can play the style of smash-mouth football needed to beat the Patriots. And who says the Cowboys are going to the Super Bowl?

Super Bowl, Take 2: PACKERS SHOCK PATRIOTS; FAVRE DECLARED NATIONAL TREASURE

Okay, so maybe none of these headlines will come true.

So what is the most likely headline at the end of the season?

PATRIOTS PERFECT AT 19-0; BELICHICK GIVES EVERYONE THE FINGER

‘Larry King’ Ramblings

Have you ever watched a game and known how it was going to end? That one team just seemed destined to come from behind in a miraculous fashion? And other comebacks were destined to fall short, no matter what the circumstances were?

Take the Dallas Cowboys who were kept off-balance most of the day by a surprisingly game Detroit Lions team. With the Lions up 27-14, I think a lot of us knew the Cowboys were going to win 28-27 even after Jason Witten fumbled on the six-inch line with six minutes to go. It was no surprise when the Lions missed a 35-yard field goal and failed to recover a Tony Romo fumble in the fourth that probably would have clinched the game. Tony Romo brings a coolness under pressure that made everyone believe that he could and would throw a game-winning touchdown pass in the final seconds. And he did, showing his faith in Witten with 18 seconds to go.

The Philadelphia Eagles comeback, on the other hand, seemed equally destined to fall short. Attempting to send the game against the Giants into overtime, David Akers 57-yards field kick at the end of regulation hit the right upright and bounced back, no good.

It didn’t fall short.

It wasn’t wide.

It hit the upright, tantalizing inches away from a shot at victory in overtime.

Much like most of their efforts this season.

‘Heidi’ Chronicles

On Sunday morning at 11am, I sat down in front of the television to watch, from start to finish, ESPN’s Sunday NFL Countdown.

For two hours.

But to my surprise, I found the lengthy telecast to be far and away the best NFL pregame show on television. If you can spare the time, I would highly recommend it. Because ESPN covers sports 24/7/365, their news coverage and segments are slicker and better produced than any of the networks. This past week they assembled some genuinely enjoyable pieces on Bill Belichick’s press conferences, a Cowboys-Sopranos parody, an interview with T.O., and the prospects of the Miami Dolphins going 0-16.

The veteran studio team are so good, especially Chris Berman and Tom Jackson, that one is reminded of ESPN’s classic NFL Primetime. Chris Berman is a great studio host, but he periodically slips into a painful parody of himself reminiscent of an overwight celebrity 20 years past his prime repeating worn-out catchphrases that are no longer amusing. Tom Jackson is still one of the best studio analysts around bringing up solid points with an unbelievably professional delivery.

You gotta love Mike Ditka. He knows his football. And he demands and commands respect from the viewers and from the rest of the broadcast team. Keyshawn Johnson is young and full of potential. I look forward to seeing how he develops over the next few years.

And now for a word about Emmitt Smith, the biggest addition to the team this year. Emmitt has been ripped on the Internet for his clumsy choice of words and stumbling delivery, but he’s not actually as bad as he is made out to be. But at this point, he really does come across as an unnecessary fifth wheel and suffers by comparison to a polished and veteran crew.

Playoffs?!? Don’t Talk About Playoffs?!?

With apologies to Jim Mora, it’s never too early to talk playoffs…

AFC Playoff Seeds
1) New England Patriots (13-0): Patriots step it up against the #1 defense in the NFL and clinch a first-round bye.
2) Indianapolis Colts (11-2): Wow. Crushing victory over the Ravens earns the Colts a playoff berth for the sixth consecutive year.
3) Pittsburgh Steelers (9-4): Close for about 34 minutes. Unfortunately, the game was 60 minutes long.
4) San Diego Chargers (8-5): Tremendous comeback win over the Titans after a horrible start has the Chargers thinking January.
5) Jacksonville Jaguars (9-4): Jags bounce back from the Colts loss to put themselves in good shape for the playoffs and a probably first round matchup with the Chargers. Big game against Steelers up next.
6) Cleveland Browns (8-5): Much needed win over the Jets keeps them as the sixth seed.

Still in the Hunt:

Buffalo Bills (7-6): Quietly, the Bills have crept above .500 and face the Browns Sunday in a matchup for the final AFC playoff spot.
Tennessee Titans (7-6): Devastating blow to their playoff hopes after being up 14 in the fourth on the Chargers.

NFC Playoff Seeds
1) Dallas Cowboys (12-1): Cowboys clinch NFC East for the first time since 1998.
2) Green Bay Packers (11-2): Back on track with big win over the Raiders that clinched the NFC North crown.
3) Seattle Seahawks (9-4): Crushing victory over the Cardinals gives the Seahawks the NFC West.
4) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-5): Once Garcia is healthy, we will find out just how good the Bucs really are.
5) New York Giants (9-4): Nice win over the Eagles in Philadelphia. Playoffs are all but assured.
6) Minnesota Vikings (7-6): The Vikings have positioned themselves to get into the playoffs after a dreadful start.

Still in the Hunt:
New Orleans Saints (6-7): Nice win over the Falcons puts the Saints back in the playoff race.
Washington Redskins (6-7): Emotional win over the Bears.
Arizona Cardinals (6-7): This is a game the Cardinals desperately needed.
Detroit Lions (6-7): Heartbreaking loss with only 18 seconds left on the clock.

‘John Madden’ Wayback Machine

The Miami Dolphins, owners of the only perfect season, seem to be on their way to an unprecedented 0-16 season after their loss to Bills. And since we looked at the best records to start a season a few weeks back, it seems only fair to review the worst records to start a season in NFL history.

0-10 Start
1997 Indianapolis Colts finished 3-13.
1993 Cincinnati Bengals finished 3-13.
1984 Houston Oilers finished 3-13.
1983 Houston Oilers finished 2-14.
1971 Buffalo Bills finished 1-13.
1960 Dallas Cowboys finished 0-11-1.
1944 Pittsburgh Steelers finished 0-10.
1943 Cardinals finished 0-10.

0-11 Start
2000 San Diego Chargers finished 1-15.
1984 Buffalo Bills finished 2-14.
1975 San Diego Chargers finished 2-12.
1968 Philadelphia Eagles finished 2-12.
1942 Detroit Lions finished 0-11.

0-12 Start
1977 Tampa Bay Buccaneers finished 2-12.

0-13 Start
2007 Miami Dolphins
1986 Indianapolis Colts finished 3-13.
1962 Oakland Raiders (AFL) finished 1-13.

0-14 Start
1980 New Orleans Saints finished 1-15.
1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers finished 0-14.

Battle for Darren McFadden (or Colt Brennan or Whoever the #1 Pick Will Be)

#1 – Miami Dolphins (0-13): Another ugly loss, but at least the Dolphins have learned that Beck is not the answer at QB. At least not yet.
#2 – San Francisco 49ers (3-10): How this team won three games, I’ll never know.
#3 – Atlanta Falcons (3-9): Michael Vick is sentenced to 23 months in prison, Falcons lose to the Saints and then Bobby Petrino resigns to coach at Arkansas. Talk about a bad day.
#4 – St. Louis Rams (3-10): Injuries are killing the Rams. I mean, Brock Berlin at QB?
#5 – New York Jets (3-10): Another tough loss. One wonders if they have something up their sleeves for the Patriots. I mean, wouldn’t that make their season if they won?

The post Fourth and Long: Headlines You May Never See first appeared on Typing Monkeys.

There’s nothing quite like the NFL in December.

The Colts, Buccaneers, Steelers and Chargers all extended divisional leads and the Giants got a much needed victory to firm up the top NFC wild card slot. On the other side of the spectrum, the Lions continued their collapse and the longshot hopes of the Eagles, Bears, Saints, Redskins and Broncos took some serious damage.

But perhaps the most critical game of Week 13 wasn’t available to as many fans as it should have been.

Why not?

Because it aired on Thursday night.

On the NFL Network.

Now most people don’t even know if they have the NFL Network since it’s only available to 40% of the country due to a long-standing conflict between the NFL and the cable companies. And if their service does carry it, it usually requires an additional fee to make it active. But more fans saw the Packers play the Cowboys than you might think. The game was still the second most-watched telecast of the evening, pulling in 10.1 million viewers on the NFL Network. And that’s not counting the more than one million local viewers in Dallas-Fort Worth and the countless cheeseheads in Wisconsin.

But to put these numbers in perspective, more than three times as many people watched the Patriots-Colts game earlier this season and twice as many watched the Eagles nearly upset the Patriots last Sunday night.

So for those of you unable to watch Super Bowl XLI 3/4, let me share with you some opinions that didn’t make it into the media coverage following the game.

The Packers played most of the game as if they believed that the Cowboys were the superior team. In his brief stint on the field before his game-ending injury, Brett Favre was tight and not his usual relaxed and carefree self. And instead of playing their successful style of football where short passes simulate a running game, the Packers consistently forced the ball deep downfield, perhaps trying to duplicate the Patriots success against the Cowboys from earlier in the season. The Packers even tried a first-half onside kick that should have worked if not for an inadvertent touch. But that is a play you call when you are trying to beat the undefeated New England Patriots. Not a play you call when you think you have the better team.

On the defensive side of the ball the Packers played without starters Charles Woodson and Kabeer Gbaja-Biamila, taking away matchups the Packers were hoping to use against the Cowboys’ receivers and blocking schemes. But even with that disadvantage, Al Harris pulled off a brilliant takeaway from T.O. in the first quarter. Unfortunately, the referees deemed otherwise shifting the game, potentially, from a 10-0 Packers lead to a 3-3 tie.

In the end, Tony Romo and T.O. were too much for the Favre-less Packers. But Green Bay did make it close with their bread-and-butter passing game and Aaron Rodgers at the helm, a good thing considering their fortunes up to now have relied upon a 38-year-old quarterback.

This is not to diminish the Cowboys’ achievement. This is a team with a stranglehold on homefield advantage in the NFC. A team with a quarterback who seems incapable of being rattled no matter how big the stage. And a superstar in T.O. who is having his best season and on his best behavior. This is a scary team saying all the right things at the right time with an offensive coordinator in Jason Garrett who is making all the right calls.

But by the end of the game, it became clear that while the Cowboys are the team to beat in the NFC, there is not much separating the two clubs. The Packers can walk away with the knowledge that with a healthy set of starters and a new gameplan, they can beat these Cowboys.

Hopefully come January we will be treated to another Packers-Cowboys classic.

‘Larry King’ Ramblings

What a terrific game Monday night. These are the exactly the types of games I cherish. Hard-hitting, back-and-forth battles where every play, every quirk of fate factors into the outcome of the game. Games where you can’t sit for the final two minutes, even at home, constantly pacing in front of the television.

The dynastic Patriots are finally getting challenged week in and week out, forcing them to use up more and more of their nine lives in games against the 5-7 Eagles and 4-8 Ravens. Though after Monday’s game, I can’t imagine the Patriots have any lives left to sacrifice.

On fourth-and-one with under two minutes to go and their undefeated season on the line, Tom Brady was stuffed on a quarterback sneak. The Ravens celebrated, but to no avail as defensive coordinator Rex Ryan had called a time out milli-seconds before the ball was snapped, negating the Ravens victory.

On fourth-and-one again, the Ravens stuffed RB Heath Evans. But offsides on the offense gave the Patriots yet another chance. And you don’t give Brady six shots to pick up a first down. Not surprisingly, he scrambled 12 yards to keep the drive alive.

And it would have been dramatic enough if the intrigue had ended there. But the Ravens held the Patriots to another unsuccessful fourth down with 55 seconds left on the 13-yard line. This time, Brady’s pass to Ben Watson fell incomplete. But the yellow flag, the Ravens nemesis this day, won out again, citing Jamaine Winborne for defensive holding.

By this point everyone watching the game knew that the inevitable would happen. The Patriots would win. Too many improbable events happened to keep this drive alive. We all knew the Patriots were destined to win this game.

And win the game they did on the next play, a questionable touchdown catch by Jabar Gaffney with 44 seconds remaining. I was hoping the referees would overturn the call because the way this game should have ended was with another fourth down and no time left on the clock. One play for the undefeated season.

And the way the past two weeks have played out, we all know how it would have ended.

‘Heidi’ Chronicles

This week I gave my undivided attention to The NFL Today pregame show on CBS.

Not The Salt-Free American Express NFL Today as FOX would undoubtedly have offered. While CBS is courteous to Southwest Airlines and the rest of their advertisers, they are nowhere near as offensive as their Ram-Tough FOX counterparts.

But back to the show, it became immediately clear that James Brown is simply the best studio host not only for football, but for any sporting event on television. He is talented, likeable and a master at handing off each topic to his other co-hosts.

Dan Marino, Bill Cowher, Shannon Sharpe and Boomer Esiason are all very polished and impressive analysts and CBS is smart enough to keep the focus of the show on them instead of bouncing around to a slew of disconnected segments like FOX. But by the end of the show Marino, Cowher, Shannon and Boomer came across more like individual contributors instead of a likeable team that FOX offers with Terry, Howie and Jimmie.

As for which show is better? It depends on your tastes and whether you prefer the NFC or the AFC. But if you are looking for the latest news and rumors around the league, FOX’s Jay Glazer is head and shoulders above the abrasive former general manager, Charlie Casserly.

Next Sunday, I plan to watch the marathon pre-game shows of ESPN to see how their phalanx of co-hosts and analysts stack up against FOX and CBS.

Playoffs?!? Don’t Talk About Playoffs?!?

With apologies to Jim Mora, it’s never too early to talk playoffs…

AFC Playoff Seeds
1) New England Patriots (12-0): While the Patriots look mortal for the second week in a row, the result remained the same. Another blueprint. Another loss for the challenger.
2) Indianapolis Colts (10-2): The Colts are back after staving off a tough challenge by the Jags.
3) Pittsburgh Steelers (9-3): The Steelers see how they stack up against the Patriots.
4) San Diego Chargers (7-5): With the AFC West almost sewn up, the Chargers need to get ready for playoff football. Beating the Titans would be a good way to start
5) Jacksonville Jaguars (8-4): Another tough loss to the Colts. If the Jags want to challenge in the AFC, they need to win these types of games.
6) Cleveland Browns (7-5): The Browns lose another close game they desperately needed to position themselves for the playoffs.

Still in the Hunt: Tennessee Titans (7-5): Albert Haynesworth changes the entire complexion of this team.

NFC Playoff Seeds
1) Dallas Cowboys (11-1): Impressive win over the Packers. Cowboys also clinch a playoff berth and are now the favorites to go to the Super Bowl for the NFC.
2) Green Bay Packers (10-2): Packers should take heart that they had a chance to win this game late without Brett Favre, without Darren Woodson, without Kimoyui Edafu and without the benefit of Al Harris’s takeaway from T.O.
3) Seattle Seahawks (8-4): Nice win over the Eagles. The Seahawks may be tough enough to challenge the Cowboys and Packers come January.
4) Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8-4): An improbably victory over the Saints without Jeff Garcia probably clinches the division.
5) New York Giants (8-4): Gritty comeback against the Bears should guarantee the Giants a wild card spot.
6) Arizona Cardinals (6-6): Terrific win over the Browns gives the Cardinals the last playoff spot for the time being

Still in the Hunt: Minnesota Vikings (6-6), Detroit Lions (6-6).

‘John Madden’ Wayback Machine

The death of Redskins safety Sean Taylor brought a shock of perspective to the NFL this week. A moment of silence before every game and a 10-player ‘missing man’ formation on the Redskins’ first defensive play were all moving tributes to an athlete lost in the prime of his young career.

But in 1971, there was an even more harrowing moment on the field.

On October 24, the Lions trailed the Bears 28-23 late in the fourth quarter at Tiger Stadium in Detroit. With the Lions running their two-minute offense, reserve wide receiver Chuck Hughes jogged back to the huddle after an incomplete pass intended for tight end Charlie Sanders.

Only he never made it.

Hughes collapsed at the 15-yard line where Bears middle linebacker Dick Butkus checked to see if he was okay. Butkus suddenly began waving his arms and frantically signaled the Lions sideline. Team doctor Richard Thompson ran onto the field, giving Hughes mouth-to-mouth and massaging his heart before putting him on a stretcher and sending him to Henry Ford Hospital where he was pronounced dead of a heart attack.

Perhaps with today’s sensibilities, the NFL would have suspended the game. But not in 1971. The Lions failed to score and lost 28-23, the final minutes played in stunned silence.

Battle for Darren McFadden (or Colt Brennan or Whoever the #1 Pick Will Be)

#1 – Miami Dolphins (0-12): Officially eliminated from the playoffs, the Dolphins are legitimately looking at going winless this year.
#2 – San Francisco 49ers (3-9): Another loss. Nine losses in last ten games. And don’t forget who gets this draft choice come April. Hint, they’re the only undefeated team in the league.
#3 – Atlanta Falcons (3-9): This team is in some serious trouble. Perhaps Chris Redman will get a shot at running the offense.
#4 – New York Jets (3-9): A resounding victory over the Dolphins doesn’t prevent the Jets from being eliminated from the playoffs.
#5 – St. Louis Rams (3-9): The Rams have really picked up the pace, going 3-1 in their last four games.

The post Fourth and Long: The NFL in December first appeared on Typing Monkeys.